1-Race home from work. Speed just enough to make every green light but not enough to draw attention from local police.
2-Begin prepping chicken.
3-Realize you are out of salt. Use more pepper to make up for salt deficiency.
4-Place chicken, buns, cheese and grill tools outside for husband.
5-Take out carrots, cucumber and lettuce for salad.
6-Realize there is only ¼ of a cucumber left.
7-Curse husband for last night’s gin and tonics.
8-Find croutons in cabinet because crunch is similar to cucumber.
10-Pick toddler up off floor where he throws himself after noticing lettuce leaf out of corner of his eye.
11-Begin bargaining with toddler. Three bites of salad equals one popsicle.
12-Manage to get salad, chicken and milk on table, along with toddler.
13-Sit down and begin eating.
14-Get up and cut up chicken for toddler.
15-Get back up and retrieve additional ketchup for toddler. He ate original ketchup with spoon in advance of meal.
16-Ask husband how his day was.
17-Stop to reason with screaming toddler that black specks on chicken are not pepper, rather tiny pieces of chocolate.
18-When screaming decibel makes dog bark, get up, and scrape pepper off chicken, along with cheese. He liked cheese yesterday. Today cheese is the devil.
19-Sit back down and take sip of wine.
20-Tell toddler that he is not, in fact, all done with his meal. Three bites of his bun dipped in second helping of ketchup is not a well-balanced meal.
21-Explain that he will not get originally promised popsicle if he does not eat 3 bites of salad plus 3 bites of chicken.
22-Wait patiently for him to figure out what 6 bites means on his fingers.
23-Settle for 5 bites when he successfully holds up 5 fingers and says 5. He is a genius and should not be held to the same standards as other children.
24-Explain that licking the chicken does not count as a bite.
25-Stare at your husband. Try desperately to remember if he actually told you how his day was.
26-Agree with toddler that 2 croutons and one carrot equals 3 bites of salad.
27-Grab wet napkin to clean up carrot toddler chewed up and promptly spit on dog’s fur.
28-Sit down and take bite of chicken.
29-Get up to retrieve third helping of ketchup for toddler.
30-Shout empty threats at toddler. No Thomas the Train before bedtime if chicken is not consumed.
31-Hand toddler iPad to watch Thomas while he finishes chicken.
32-Take another bite of chicken, which you realize is now cold and, in fact, over-peppered.
33-Throw food away. Fill up wine glass.
34-Retrieve popsicle for toddler. Two bites of chicken is basically the same as three.
35-Ask toddler to please put plate in sink.
36-Retrieve plate from garbage can and put in sink.
37-Find missing salt shaker in garbage.
38-Pat yourself on back! Another family meal is behind you. Only 7143 more to go.
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