In high school, I joined cross-country despite never having run more than a consecutive mile in my life. Looking back, I still don’t really know why I joined. I wasn’t particularly fond of the exercise, and while I have always been naturally athletic, I’ve never particularly been good at running. With that said, I spent three years pounding the pavement, logging mile after mile, carb-loading on pasta every Wednesday night, and spending every race trying to beat myself.

It Can Be Good to Be Bad At Something

I’m in my late twenties now. I don’t run long-distance anymore; I’ve chosen other paths of exercise. I’ll be completely honest here: I never ended up doing very well in cross-country. By all means, I was actually considered fairly slow, oftentimes clocking in dead last at meets. In high school, that’s pretty embarrassing, right?

But this is something that has stayed with me now for over a decade: it’s okay to be last. And fail and fail and fail. It’s okay to be anxious about your performance. At the end of the day, I don’t have to be perfect in everything I do. That kind of freedom releases the grips of anxiety and low self-esteem. Giving yourself permission to just be a human is one of the best gifts I believe we can give ourselves.

Meditation Doesn’t Have to Be Done Lying Down

I’m a therapist now, and most of the clients walking through my door struggle with anxiety. We all know the tried-and-true benefits of meditation. With that said, far too many people only believe that meditation can be optimally achieved lying down, breathing, and clearing the head.

It’s not true.

Meditation encompasses mindfulness, which entails allowing yourself to experience immersion within the moment. I remember first experiencing this sensation during high school- during the long and sometimes excruciating runs- when it just felt like the sidewalk and me and the sun beating down my neck, when I could only focus on my heart pounding and my legs pumping.

Today, I stay mindful many times throughout the day, but I don’t conventionally meditate. I find my inner harmony through active forms of movement: through hiking, climbing, walking, yoga- and yes, through simply listening to music on my headphones.

Exercise Compulsion is Real

When I become anxious, I tend to immerse myself in some kind of obsessive activity. It’s very easy for me to overdo something, and this has proven itself with exercise. Even though exercise is physically good for all of us, it’s dangerous to use it as a form of escape from the real world. Exercise addiction can create a hyper-focus on weight loss, body image, or even just desired control. When I competitively ran, it was easy to get caught in the comparison game of how much I was working out (compared to how much someone else was working out).

Just like with anything else, we all must be mindful of the balancing act for any of our passions.