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Challenge: Summer Fun

"Back to School" Sales In Early July? I Dissent!

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The Summer is a refuge for me.

It's a respite from the craziness of activities, sports, homework, meetings, packing lunches, and everything else that comes along with the other 9 months of the year.

So, here I am in early July, just trying to be present in this 90-day intermission from the crap-show that is my "normal" routine, and then it happens...

"Back to School!"

Right after July 4th, when I've just acclimated to this new, slower pace, I start seeing the ads pop up everywhere.

"Back to School!"

I really shouldn't care, because I have the better part of two months of my Summer remaining, but it's what the Millennials call a "trigger" for me. While some people are "triggered" by certain phrases or words that imply disrespect for women or ethnic groups, I'm triggered by this sinister phrase.

"Back to school!"

When I see it, I breath a little shorter, and I start to tense up. A minute ago I was enjoying an iced coffee and contemplating the lyrics to a Bruno Mars song, but now I'm picturing the overwhelming amount of "stuff" that's going to hit the fan in early September.

And, it's not just me. A plethora of psychologists and doctors even offer their services to help with "back-to-school anxiety."

Yes, please!

Well, maybe there will be a seasonal sale for treating "back to school syndrome"... IN JULY!

Oh, Lord, no!

Sure, I've heard the arguments about how "back to school" in July is a necessary evil because they start school earlier in the South, or that kids need to get ready before "pre-season" starts, but I don't buy it.

Why do they barrage us with "back-to-school" ads in July, anyway?

It's the same reason that by August, orange bags of "fun-size" candy, jack-o-lanterns, and Halloween masks will replace these school supplies that I now protest against.

Maybe it's because they don't want us to be "present?"

In fact, if we did exist in the moment, it would be really bad for business. After decades of persistent exposure to advertising, we've been sculpted into the perfect consumers. In response, we look to the future, always preparing for some distant "holiday" or future significant event, like a bunch of corpulent squirrels perpetually looking at an ominous November sky.

"When we speak about the future, the gods laugh" - Chinese proverb, Chairman Meow

Sorry, I'm not waiting in line for the next iPhone, and I'm not buying school supplies in early July. I'm also waiting until the day before the deadline to file my taxes, (you'll find me wildly searching for a TurboTax coupon online 48 hours before the April tax deadline, but that's another story.)

Sorry, I digress.

OK, Back to, "Back to School"

So, I'm boycotting stores that have, "Back to School" ads in the paper, or those banners with giant cartoon number-two pencils in their windows. If they do, I'm not even going to step foot in their store.

So, please, join me in boycotting "back to school" until it's seasonally appropriate. Personally, I can stomach buying school supplies the week before school starts, but I understand if that cuts it too close for you.

As a wise, Norwegian snowman once said, "Let's go bring back Summer!"

So, let that be our rallying cry. Forget school, let's all fight to get, "Back-to-Summer!"

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