Once you become a parent marriage becomes 1,000 times harder. Over the last few years we have had conflicts over all kinds of things: how to care for our babies, finances, our living situation, time together, sex, cleaning, football...I mean the list goes on and on.
Some of these things weren’t worth fighting over, but the truth is once you start having children everything changes. The small things that were never a big deal are suddenly a huge problem, like the NFL . Ryan loves football and we used to watch the games together, but now I can’t stand it. The kids aren’t quite into it and the games are hours long. We have had to pick and choose our battles and find a common ground.
We often find ourselves having intentional honest conversations about sex because sometimes it’s really hard to want to be intimate after kids and sometimes you’re just so damn tired that you don’t even want to be touched. BUT sex allows you to share in deep intimacy and is important.
And then there are also the major struggles like finances and living situations. We have been living with my parents for 3.5 years now and we have been trying really hard to save so we can buy a house, but it is so expensive in CA. We recently had a discussion that turned into an argument about moving out of state. After hours of fighting we didn’t even know why we were fighting. We were just talking about our options to give our kids what they deserve and our hearts desires and it led to a massive fight mostly because there was stuff under the surface that triggered this massive argument.
I’m fortunate for our years in therapy early on in our marriage because it really taught us how to communicate effectively with each other. While over the last 3 years as parents we have had our fair share of ridiculous fights, we have also faced some very challenging and difficult conversations, which have required so much intention to work through. I’ve also seen the power of grace and the importance to show that to one another. Kids change everything, but they also bring you closer than ever before.
Can you relate?
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