I've been on edge lately. Short fused and easily agitated. My temperament all over the map.
To say I've been the best version of myself would be an out right lie. Chalk it up to day 2,673 of this whole thing, but I'm fairly confident I'm reaching my capacity. I know, I know, we're not supposed to admit that out loud.
But let's be real here for a second, can we? My planner isn't filled with hourly activities and crafts for the kids. In fact, I may as well throw the thing away because it’s empty. There have been more Pinterest fails than wins and I haven't quite wrapped my head around how we can accumulate so much laundry when we live in pajamas. Grocery shopping now brings me anxiety, so much so that I swear if I add toilet paper to my cart one more time, only to go to the pickup to find it was "unavailable" I may lose my ever loving mind.
That best version of myself? I'm pretty sure I shoved her way down deep into a pint of Blue Bunny ice cream and ate her. There is no maximizing this time. I'm not crushing anything. I'm surviving.
I know I should be grateful, we're all healthy and safe and believe me I am, but that doesn't take away from the fact that THIS. IS. HARD. There is nothing easy about this. This isn't something any of us know how to navigate.
And yet, from the moment this all began mom's everywhere have been force fed this idea that we should be savoring every moment of this. I'm well aware that there is always a silver lining and of how blessed we truly are.
But for the sanity of women everywhere can we drop the pretense? Is it possible for one minute for us to not point fingers? To not judge or criticize or diminish how another person feels or how we are navigating through this?
I, for one am going 100 miles an hour from the moment my feet hit the floor til the time I finally fall asleep after overthinking all the things that my family doesn't quite comprehend.
My mind is a rat race. It never stops. EVER.
We're almost out of chicken nuggets. Crap. Add to cart NOW.
Omg why does this towel smell so bad?? Gross. Didn't I just wash this thing??
Place another Target order ... OK, these pajama pants look amazing. I need these. No, you don't be sensible. [adds five boxes of fudge brownies to cart instead]
Reschedule every appointment known to man, then reschedule again and repeat for the foreseeable future.
Sit down. Work. Kidding. Toddler needs a snack. The kids are shooting nerf guns at each other and one is running around naked. Pretty sure my house may not be standing much longer. Fix it, Jesus.
My point? We all handle things differently, but whatever you are feeling, you are OK.
It's OK if you are tired. If you're tapped out and waving the white flag. It's OK if your kids are driving you crazy and today you are just over everything.
So you weren't your best today ... I wasn't either, sis but you're doing just fine. This isn't easy. This is uncharted territory for us all. Do what works for you.
No judgments. No pretense. I'm with you, even if today that looks like just surviving.