I am exhausted.
I cannot wash another load of dishes today.
I cannot fold another load of laundry.
I cannot put away another Lego.
I refuse to cook another meal.
I will not waste another moment trying to potty train a little boy who has zero interest in it, simply because a mom on Facebook has bragged yet again about getting her one year old potty trained.
I just cannot do it anymore. I cannot keep living up to these expectations that I'm somehow supposed to be able to do it all. I'm not freaking June Cleaver!
I don't even know whose expectations they are anyway?!
Societies? My husband's? Mine?
I only know that I just don't have the energy anymore.
I stood at the sink today scrubbing the 2nd load of dishes, staring out the kitchen window thinking to myself, there has to be more to this.
I'm lucky if I get 6 hours of sleep each night...not including the middle of the night interruptions from my 7 year old sleepwalker.
I drink 2 cups of coffee each morning just to find the motivation to tackle the laundry mountain...to remain sane through the toddler meltdowns...to survive the grown woman attitude my 7 year old has developed.
I struggle through the day, yawning with every breath, still somehow managing to keep things running smoothly.
But I'm not running smoothly.
I'm not taking care of myself.
I'm not managing my meltdowns.
I don't have the right attitude.
My hamper is still full of my dirty laundry.
I'm always putting myself last. My health and well being are always on the back burner, and that's why I'm so tired in every sense of the word.
There has to be a solution to always feeling mentally, physically, and emotionally drained.
I am tired of having to be everything for everyone. The responsibility is overwhelming.
Tonight, I pray for peace. The weight of my little world is heavy on my mind and heart. I need a calming touch for the overwhelming anxiety.
I pray for a renewed spirit so that I can transform my mindset. A positive mind will create a positive life.
I pray for balance. My time needs to be more equally distributed. And somewhere in there, I must find a block of time solely for myself.
Pray with me, mamas. This stage of life is so difficult, and can sometimes seem so unfulfilling. But on the other side of the coin, it is so incredibly beautiful and rewarding. Let's pray that even when we're too tired to function, and feel so worn and unworthy, that we remember why we are doing this.
We must make time for our wants, needs, and desires if we hope to thrive. For now, I remain exhausted.