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Challenge: WHO Are You?

I want you to fake it.

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Come close.

I know her secret.

Do you want to hear it?

Here it is --

She’s faking it.


This post may stir up some controversy in the “mom world,” but that’s not its intent. More than anyone, who I am talking about and to, here in this post, is myself — so don’t be offended as you read this.

As I was leaving the grocery store today, a woman told me that I was “amazing” for taking all three children with me to pick up groceries. But, do you know what was not so “amazing” of me? The fact that as soon as the children got in the car, I began to yell at them for only slight misbehavior.


This is one small example of an almost everyday occurrence where someone compliments or praises me, undeservingly, for something in my life that I have falsely presented to them, unintentionally, or intentionally…hmm…I don’t know.

I ask you to read the rest of this post as enlightenment into the real-life, every day of a woman, who has the job of being so many things to so many people; see life through her eyes for a moment.

To the Mom who has it “altogether,"

I know your secret — you are faking it.

To the Mom who has the “perfect” marriage,

I know your secret — you are faking it.

To the Mom who is well-rested,

I know your secret — you are faking it.

To the Mom who is selfless,

I know your secret — you are faking it.

To the mom who is always cheerful,

I know your secret — you are faking it.

To the mom who enjoys home-cooking every meal for her family,

I know your secret — you are faking it.

To the mom who loves dropping her children off at school each day,

I know your secret — you are faking it.

To the mom who loves being a SAHM,

I know your secret — you are faking it.

To the mom who seemingly wakes up looking gorgeous,

I know your secret — you are faking it.



The truth is that WE ALL FAKE IT.


Well, maybe it's just me. Perhaps you all only fake it some of the time or never, but for me, well, I fake it a lot.

You may think that I am ashamed of "faking it" or that this is a behavior that I should stop, and if that’s what you think, that’s fine, but I disagree.

I hold the belief that by faking it, it’s helping me “make it.”

We have all heard the phrase “fake it til you make it” and I think that is right on when it comes to parenting.

Life is hard on its own and so is marriage. Then you add to life’s general challenges, some marital difficulties and parenting stress and well, you are just freakin’ challenged all of the time.

It is not easy to be brave all of the time.

It is not easy to make the right decision all of the time.

BUT, when we pretend to have more energy than we do, and when we act kinder than we usually would — when we pretend to do these things — most of the time, it results in us being those things. I know that this is slightly confusing, but hear me out.

Alexander Spradlin, author of the Psychology Today article, titled “Fake It Til You Make It,” states that successful people who are good at what they do, all hold a “strong belief in themselves that allows them to persist in the face of failure and to keep trying, no matter their level of fear."

He states that people who are successful in their chosen roles “have an internal drive that tells them that they can succeed" and that they can handle whatever comes their way.”

Spradlin talks about how “faked” confidence breeds real confidence.

Following in suit, that should mean that faking a healthy marriage may help breed one and faking a love of cooking, might breed more enjoyment for it.

Spradlin also discusses how “psychological research shows that the self-fulfilling prophecy works for both negative and positive predictions, indicating, again, that the beliefs you hold have an impact on what happens to you.” Because of this, I think it is a good thing for us to present facets of our lives positively to others, whether or not they are actually that positive on their own merit.

Listen, I get it.

I suspect that some of you may state that this is just plain lying and pretending. I hear you, and I respect and understand your perspective, BUT I choose to look at things differently.

I am all for honesty and rawness — 100% — that is what I am all about. And, because of that, when the woman called me “amazing” this morning, I corrected her, right away. I informed her that I was not amazing and that the kiddies and I are like a traveling circus show everywhere we go. We both walked away laughing.

See, I think it was okay to present that way. I didn’t do anything special or different — I was just me, being me and being the mom who I typically am during a grocery shopping excursion. If she chose to view that as impressive, then that is something I should be proud of. Because I yelled at the kiddos when I got to the car does not mean that I am not awesome, it just means that I was not excellent at that moment.

We all have so many different aspects to our personality, but the general public, and even those that see us regularly, only get to see snippets of the person that we are — they just see morning drop-off mom, after-work mom, disheveled mom, put-together mom, etc.

Listen, I guarantee that every one of us is faking something. (Yes, some of you are laughing now, but I am not talking about that!)

But, I say — go on and keep faking it.

FAKE IT — because that is what is helping you make it —

make it through the day,

make it through adulthood,

make it through parenthood,

make it through your marriage,

and make it through life.

Just don’t tell your husband that you are faking it -- then he might worry.

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