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I Love Being Your Mom Even Through All My Humanness

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I love being your mom,

even on the days where I feel depleted of energy before I leave the bed,

the days where my anxiety is off the charts,

the days where everything I say is met with a “no,”

the days where I wish bedtime would come sooner,

the days where I sit on my phone instead of play with you,

the days where mom guilt is all-consuming, and I'm stuck in my head.

I love being your mom,

even on the days where bedtime becomes a marathon. Where I’m frustrated, over it, and am left anxiously thinking about all the things I need to still get done. But I can’t because I’m stuck in your bed, or getting you cold water, or comforting your crying screams, or giving you one more hug and kiss. And I’m burnt.

I love being your mom,

even on the days where you’re having non-stop meltdowns. Where every sock is too tight. Where you become anti-shorts and only want to wear pants in the ninety-degree heat. Where it takes a lot for you to become fully satisfied. Too much.

The truth is motherhood is hard,

and I’m flawed as a person and a mom.

But even on my darkest days, you are my light.

Being your mom is the hardest, best thing I’ve ever done and will ever do.

And it won’t look perfect. Not even close.

But seeing what I’ve made--your eyes light up when you’re excited, the way you smile wide and giggle, your soft kisses against my cheeks—

all of it that one day I won't remember clearly.

I’ll say, “it was a blur,”

but the most beautiful blur because it was filled with you.

And I hope you always feel how loved you are through all my humanness.

Because the truth is,

I love being your mom,

more than anything in this world.

This post originally appeared on the author's Facebook. Her book "Living FULL: Winning My Battle with Eating Disorder" is available on Amazon:

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