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I didn't know this would make me cry

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A whole life in bags and boxes.

All her favorite clothes and shoes.

A stuffed bear from her friends that says. “We love you Ellie,” when you squeeze it’s paw.

The purse she brought to prom that’s now ready for new more grown up adventures.

Her books, her keyboard and her well loved drawing supplies no longer strewn by her bed but instead now nestled into a giant plastic bag.

Her records, the robe I wore when I was pregnant with her that she asked special permission to take, fit into a bag with her super cute new Target dishes.

What will she eat off those dishes? I’ll no longer know the in’s and out’s of her day and so I’ll surely not know this.

New pillows and bedding she picked out herself and a legit pro level make up mirror because I wasn’t telling her no when shopping...not a single time.

Her life in bags and boxes...ready to move out our front door

I’ve rolled up my favorite backpack, the one she wants one just like by can’t afford, and placed it in the bottom of one of the blue IKEA bags as a little gift...one of the only ways I can love on her from afar.

We’ve shopped and shopped and shopped and she has all new make up and we bought every cute item she asked for because she is leaving and we can deal with money later for the love. Also she’s more thrifty than I am so no permanent damage done.

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This moment is about this girl.

Today she and I ate chips and guacamole in the van while we went over her list and talked about life and what was ahead and she is ready...so ready.

And tonight I can hear her laughing with friends as they help her collect the last of her things and I’ll miss that sound and all the girls making it...not just mine.

I’ll miss it all. Every single bit of this girl’s life I was lucky enough to harbor under my roof for 18 years.

We only get a few more days and I’ve been emotional but really fine until I saw these darn bags.

Then I ugly cried on the couch until I was rescued by some texts and a sister and some wine and a 14 year old son that came down for food but ended up hugging his sobbing mom instead. #poortallboy

I just love these kids so much.

There are moments where it feels unfair that we have created these 5 amazing humans and we don’t get to keep them.

But they belong to the world. Today I see it right in front of me, a truth I cannot hide from. God needs them, he created them to leave and use their gifts and there is just no hiding from this.

So soon we’ll launch our first baby...the first bit of my heart I set free to live and to love and to fly.

And while there’s no way to be ready...we’ll do what needs to be done. Because that is the job of parenting isn’t it? We do what we need to do for these kids. Even when we have ALL THE FEELS.

We just love them...so much...through it all.

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