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How We Can Avoid Raising "Mean Girls"

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When we give birth to our precious daughters we have big dreams for them instantly. We may or may not speak them aloud, but they are deep within our desires for them. Now, I firmly believe that our girls should be strong and opinionated so that they are never taken advantage of and for them to possess the abilities to be a fearless voice for other women who are afraid.


If you all have ever watched the movies “Mean Girls”, “Jawbreaker”, “Cruel Intentions”, or “Carrie” you know what means girls do in Hollywood films, but what about what they do in real life. cruel-intentions-movie-reese-witherspoonMean girls grow up to become mean women that make all of our lives difficult. It happens in families, schools, and eventually the workplace. It doesn’t have to be that way. There are things that we can do as women to prevent the “mean girl” behavior in our little girls even when they don’t realize they are behaving like a “mean girl”.

Why put that responsibility on women? Because unlike men women are always around…period! If mom isn’t present in our lives there is always a mom, an aunt, or a lady Teacher available to instill love into that little girl. We have to start telling our girls that they are special to us when they are born. I believe that little girls began to change and grow up into being a “mean girl” as a result of a few things.


  1. Their parents have made them feel entitled to ignore the feelings and needs of others.

  2. They have low self-esteem or feel inadequate due to someone else’s standards.

  3. They lack the basic needs of life. Ex. clean clothes, food, personal care, love.

  4. They are being abused mentally, physically, emotionally, or verbally.

  5. They are constantly being rejected by peers or adults.

  6. They are judged or ridiculed for things that they may or not be able to control such as physical features or disabilities.

How We Can Avoid

I believe that we as women have the power to uplift and embrace the girls that we have constant contact or communication with by doing a few simple things:

  • We have to tell them that we love their little eyes and everything about them the same way that we want to hear someone saying it to us as adults.

  • We have to love them hard just like we do with our precious sons. If you’re a boy mom, you know exactly what I mean.

  • We have to hold them in our arms longer and hug them more often. They have the rest of their lives to become independent.

  • We have to let them talk loud without the fear of it being unladylike and let them dance like no one is watching even when they are.

  • We have to stop telling them that their hair is nappy or difficult to comb even when it’s thick enough to break every comb in the house.

  • We have to remind them that their dark skin is beautiful.

  • We have to remind them that freckles are unique and God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave them to her.

  • We have to remind them that God didn’t make everyone slim and having a little extra body weight doesn’t mean they are unhealthy or unattractive.

  • We have to remind them that their accent is just fine and they don’t have to change their dialect to fit in with the other kids.

  • We have to remind them that their virginity is priceless.

  • We have to remind them that if their virginity was stolen or given out of ignorance that they are still priceless.

  • We have to remind them that expensive shoes, clothes, and purses don’t make you special or beautiful.

  • We have to remind them that they are smart even when they struggle in class.

  • We have to remind them that friends don’t hurt friends and love is not abusive.

  • We have to remind them that No means No and they can say it to anyone.

  • We have to encourage them that they can be anything that they want in life with hard work and faith.

  • We have to pray for them, with them, and teach them how to pray for themselves.

  • We have to build a relationship of trust with them through communication and time spent together.

  • We have to remind them that they are not in competition with their friends or other girls. We all have so much to offer the world.

  • We have to protect them from danger the best way that we can. This means family bullies, sexual predators, etc.

  • We have to teach them to apologize when they are wrong and how to have compassion for others.

  • We have to teach them to not look down upon others with less than what they have and to appreciate all that they have.

  • We have to show them grace and mercy when they fall short and show them how to begin again.

  • We have to teach our girls how to be kind to others no matter how different they are from themselves and their friends.

  • We also have to remind them that their social media followers do not determine how valuable they are. They don’t have to show their bodies, private lives or be someone they are not for the world to accept them.

  • We have to remind them that having one friend is better than having one thousand and that someone in this world can’t wait to be a friend to them.

  • We have to teach them how to give back to others in the world.

  • We have to tell them that we love them and often.


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