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Breathe and fact check, mama

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Hey you. Yes… you.
Listen up.
I’m going to teach you a little secret I taught myself.
It’s a game changer. So prepare your heart.

I do this thing I like to call fact check.
Yes I know… I didn’t invent the phrase.
It’s a thing people do.
They fact check. Check the facts. Find the accuracy.

But I don’t use it in a 'Go-devour-Google-and-get-all-the-information' sort of way.
I use it in a 'How am I going to survive this chaos?' sort of way. In an 'I will not let my anxiety win' sort of way.

I fact check myself.

My head: I don’t talk with my friends nearly enough and when I do, it’s inevitably in my car, probably distracted by small people and rushed because otherwise there just isn’t enough time to nurture those friendships. I bet she thinks I don’t care about her or think about her anymore. I bet she thinks I’m upset with her. Our friendship is going to dwindle and it’s my fault


Reality: My friends understand that I’m busy and they are just as busy. This chapter in life is filled with extracurriculars up to our eyeballs and we’re not the college kids we once were with all the time in the world to gab.
They get it.
They’re in it too.
Our friendship will survive this.

My head: I didn’t see my kids enough today. I saw them for an hour before school and an hour after practice. They are going to look back on their childhood and think mommy worked too much and didn’t prioritize them.


Reality: My kids are resourceful and well rounded. They look at their mom and they know how hard she works to provide for them. They see that she loves her career but loves being their mom more. They don’t see a too-busy mom. They see the woman who makes them breakfast, packs their backpacks, lays out their clothes, sings to them, kisses them goodnight and always prioritizes them.
They see their mom.
And she is their favorite human.

My head: I didn’t sleep enough last night. I didn’t eat well today. I didn’t drink enough water. I had too much coffee then too much wine. I’m not taking care of my body or making healthy choices and I need to be better. I am angry with myself for the choices I made today.


Reality: I am in an incredibly demanding life phase with young children and so many responsibilities and I sleep as much as I can, when I can. I ate today. It may not have been healthy but I put food in my body. I didn’t drink enough water today but my body isn’t going to shut down.
Coffee and wine are things I enjoy.
It’s ok to partake in things I enjoy.
I am human.
This is all human.
It is okay.

I learned a long time ago I cannot please everyone.
I cannot be everywhere.
I cannot do all the things and wear all the hats and have all the stuff.
What I can do, is be the best version of me I can possibly be.

I can show up. Fact checking helps me do that.

And when I start to doubt myself.
When I start to question.
When my anxiety tries to creep in.
I fact check.
And I stop listening to the stories in my head and focus on reality.

I encourage each of you.
Use this method.
Fact check.

Reality: You’re a great mom.

Love & Hugs,
Nicki, Momming all the Boys

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