Everyone has a breaking point..this was mine.
The reality is: I’m not as strong as I let on. (Are any of us really?!) Stress Builds. Little things pile up until one day, you just breakdown.
I’m the proud mom of two young men. One is diagnosed with Severe Autism and is 18 years old. Parenting on your own can be hard sometimes, I LOVE IT, but let’s be real...it can be HARD.
I never want to be that chick that posts fabulous vacation photos, showing us all having a fantastic time, without throwing in a little dose of reality every now and then.
I can’t help it. I gotta keep it real.
So here goes:
It’s been years since we were home to see family so I figured This Christmas we would switch things up and spend it in a beautiful Winter Wonderland (Canada) surrounded by family! (It’s usually just us three and pretty uneventful....actually I usually get depressed scrolling though Facebook seeing all the posts with big families celebrating together)
My dads also getting up there and thought it would be nice to celebrate with the whole fam at his house.
So ya, that didn’t happen.
A day or two before we were booked to leave Logan decided that Christmas HAD to be Celebrated at our house! There was no changing his mind!
So...I called the airline and changed all of our flights to a couple days after Christmas..for a price of course🙄..and updated Logans Calendar showing our new departure date and all the flight details. All good!
After the panic of having bought NO GIFTS for the boys to open on Christmas morning (which was now TWO DAYS AWAY!!!)
I lay on the couch looking for “next day” delivery for anything I could find on Amazon.
Luckily I pulled it off!
Christmas was a success!
Logan was happy and we hung around the house watching Christmas movies, Home Alone was his favorite.
On top of his Autism Logan also deals with OCD. He gets an idea in his head and OBSESSES over it.
This time the Home Alone movie STUCK...from the minute I woke up
Till the second I finally fell asleep he was there in my ear..”MOM..home alone???!”
The stress started right back up knowing that our trip was in two days and he is obsessing about STAYING HOME ALONE now!😫
I redirected, changed the topic and went as far as to mark his calendar for after we got home from vacation saying that he could stay “home alone” for a day then.
Day of our trip I hadn’t slept..was stressed about how this would work...was packing for us all and making sure I had EVERYTHING to avoid any kind of airport freak out/meltdown.
He hadn’t slept much the night before but I figured this would be a good thing and he could sleep
On the plane.
It wasn’t...and he didn’t...
All seemed GREAT In the UBER on the way to the airport and even while checking our bag at the delta counter...Until it WASN’T....
As I’m handing my bag over to be weighed I hear Logan scream, “Mom! GOING HOME!!!” And took off running out the door of the Airport.(he was clearly exhausted and in a panic-as was I)
His poor brother is standing there waiting with the bags, the desk agent doesn’t know what’s going on and I go chasing after him as the entire line of people behind me are staring...yep, Good times!
I did and said everything I could think of and finally gave in realizing there was NO WAY I WAS GETTING HIM ON THIS PLANE.
I got him back in the terminal, close enough to keep and eye on him while I talked to the
Delta agents (who by the way, were BEYOND AMAZING and understanding and allowed us to leave with the option of changing the tickets once I got back home and could actually think straight)
We all got BACK in an Uber with all our luggage and went home...yep, it was brutal.
I spent the rest of the eve (still haven’t slept from the night before) texting friends asking if they would stay with Logan while his brother and I would go for maybe two or three nights.
Eventually it was worked out and we now had someone to stay with him...
UNTILL he woke up at 3AM asking for CANADA...😑
He WANTED to know when we were going! Now that he had a good sleep he was ready to go to the airport!!😣😐😑
Yep, back on the phone at 3am to book yet ANOTHER FLIGHT! LORD.HELP.ME...
I Was on the phone till the sun came up booking us for the same day.
Two days of NO sleep.
Txt everyone to let them know that we were now GOING and didn’t need a caregiver for Logan.
THEN started making all NEW schedules and printing pics of the plane and our new seats, laminating them and preparing his “schedule book” we use so that he knows what to expect.(wouldn’t want HIM to be stressed right? Sorry couldn’t help myself;)
BACK TO THE AIRPORT!
He’s in to it this time and seems excited to go!
We wait at our gate...and he hands me his phone showing me it’s about to die.
I now realize that his charger isn’t working because he broke the last charger off inside the phone...seriously?! So I pull
out a paper clip with sweat pouring down my back) and try to fix it. (Knowing if I don’t this plane ride will be a disaster)
NOPE STILL NOT OVER YET...
Next thing I know he gets up and says he going waking. I leave his phone and start trailing him.
When he sees me, he starts running....I start running after him. He’s so fast as so far ahead that before I know it he’s made a left and it’s as if he disappeared?!??
With no phone on him, I can’t track him with the GPS.
No idea if he’s even in the building anymore!
So out of breath, and shaking at this point, I call Airport Police the as our flight is leaving In 15 MINUTES!!!
I can’t MISS ANOTHER FLIGHT!!!!
About 15 minutes later an officer says they’ve located him at gate 20, he’s fine, just looking out the window.(we are at gate 3😑)
We walk all the way to gate 18 to meet him and then turn back and walk to our gate with the officers trailing behind.
I couldn’t even speak at this point. The officers weren’t the most social or empathetic, but did tell the aircraft to wait!
With our police escort to the plane over with...
We get on the plane.
Get in our seats (last row)
I sit down with Logan handing me his phone (which still has metal stuck in it...)
I put my face in my hands and just BROKE DOWN SOBBING! (I’m not the crying type, AT ALL) but thankfully the plane was loud so only the flight attendant and row in-front of me could hear.
The flight attendant offered me a drink and stood there fanning me with a plastic menu, the woman in front of me handed me a tissue and told me not to worry and I tried wipe away the tears so I could get back to repairing the phone and yes...after about 20 minutes, I DID IT!!!
From that point on the trip went smoothly. I even watched a movie and almost had a nap!
As good as it feels to hear how “strong I am” I have to admit....I’m not. I’m human..
Everyone’s lives and vacations look great on Facebook...even I post the “good” pics, but if someone having a tough time can see this and realize they aren’t alone then I’m happy to share!
I know if I had seen more videos like this when my kids were younger I could have skipped all those feelings of not being good enough..❤️🤙😊