Today you broke my five-year-olds heart and in my mama bear opinion his trust in you and your word.
You set-up a date to have lunch with him at his favorite restaurant Chick-Fil-A at noon today and I stupidly made the rookie mistake of telling him it was all set the day before. Of course, his excitement built in the 24 hours he had to plan it all out in his five-year-old mind.
He woke up excited to start his day because he was going to meet his grandpa. He did his Friday kindergarten home study homework, picked out his outfit, jeans because that's what men wear he told me and a special shirt to look nice for you. He brushed his teeth and combed his hair and even let me put some pomade in to look extra beautiful for you. He told his sister and brother he was going to meet you and have lunch, he said to them he'd order "nuggets, fries, and lemonade" and he wondered what his grandpa would like to eat. As I prepared myself to go on our lunch date my phone rang. You called to say something had come up and you wouldn't be able to make it, the excuse you gave me lets say was clear the underlying the same as always you were picking your wife and her family instead of your sons family and more importantly your grandson yet again.
I'm conscious life happens, and things come up, plans change but come on here what had changed and come up in 24 hours that you had to bail on a five-year-old? Your excuse was lame and honestly nothing an uber or lyft ride couldn't have fixed today if we're both being honest here. I told you I understood, but I said something backhanded to you because my bitterness had sunk in quickly. I told you " I get it, family, first" you replied that you were sorry, but you had to cancel to my reply again " I get it, family, first" and then I said " I wished I hadn't told him he was seeing you today" and you apologized and said "bye".
I get things are a mess between our families if they weren't you'd already know your last grandchild, but you don't. I try hard to keep you in the know, I text you, mail you school and sports photos heck I even flagged you down once in town to say hello.
I try. Do you?
Your son had finally let his guard down and said I could let our baby reach out so last week on the eve of starting Kindergarten he called you. I allowed him to call and invite you out, and you accepted and even called to confirm the day before. It wasn't you that had to pick up the pieces today it was me. I had to tell an excited five-year-old that his grandpa couldn't make it. Have you ever had to explain something to a five-year-old? Do you know how many times he merely asked me WHY?
I can chop it up to your loss because sir this little boy is pure magic. Like his sister and brother, he's the sweetest little boy with a pure heart of gold his favorite color is Orange, but you don't know that. He loves to play with mini figures and has a collection of vintage GI Joes, but you don't know that. He likes to hug everyone goodbye he's a total hugger like me, but you don't know that. He has the brightest warm smile like your son, but you don't know that because you don't know him. It's your loss not to know this sweet soul.
I had such high hopes when I came into this family. I had never really had grandparents myself, and my own parent's lacked in so many areas that my heart was happy you were going to be my children's grandfather. Truth be told I liked you and admired you, I thought you were a great person and that you knew so many amazing things, were well educated, cultured and I thought wow my babies were so lucky to have you in their lives. I won't go into the reasons our family fell apart, but we both know lines have been drawn in the sand between us, and things said that brought things to a head sadly.
From all accounts, you weren't a very present Father so why would the status of Grandfather be any different? Well, for me I thought the chance to be dare I say it older and wiser would be the difference. A chance at a do-over of sorts to forge a better relationship than the one you've had with your son but instead I'm left with the "I told you so" by the man I love and the child who desperately just wanted a day out with his grandpa.
The woman who is raising the people who will carry on your family name.