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College bound with a “friend” in tow

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“Mom, I decided I’m putting a tracker on Piggy when I leave for school. A few people I know are doing it for their “friends” and it’s brilliant…”

My mama heart almost burst… my big kid, heading off to college, with her favorite stuffed pig and a tracker to keep him safe. I always knew this piece of her would travel to school, without question, and I love the confidence she exudes walking on to a college campus with her “friend” in tow.

As her poised frame stands before me, so strong and proud, all I can see though is my little girl, with missing teeth, holding on ever so tightly to her Piggy as she sucks her thumb. But in reality staring at me is my grown girl, taller than me, with blue eyes blazing embarking on her next journey.

How did we get this far?

How is it possible a college drop off is just days away?

How has eighteen years flown by in a blur with so many moments cherished yet also moments lost?

Someone please explain to me the passing of time.

The countless hours I have watched her with Piggy tugs at my heart since now our days are numbered.

I don’t feel I have lived a life in denial all of these years but I guess I just didn’t see them creeping up on me so quickly.

I know there is a lifetime of memories we have not yet explored, years upon years of growing alongside one another and moments of joy we have yet to encounter and for that I’m grateful.

But still, my heart aches a bit to let go and letting go of her is also ,in essence, letting go of Piggy.

Her Piggy…

The BFF we would search hours for if misplaced.
The one who caught her tears on the hard days.
The one who held her hand in the middle of the night when scared.
The one who was the keeper of her deepest secrets.

Her piggy…

Her first love.
Her first confidant.
Her comfort.

So as she tracks her Piggy, so he’s always nearby, I let go of her a bit more as she travels miles from home, not tracking, but praying.

If there is anything I have learned in my eighteen years as a mom, it’s that letting go is often beyond difficult but necessary.

It’s that letting go bridges more intimate relationships.

It’s that letting go allows her to grow into the adult woman she is on this earth to be.

It’s that in the letting go she becomes my teacher, confidant and friend.

So as I let go, she holds on tighter to her Piggy and to a little piece of home.

And as she rests with him each night, my heart will overflow, miles away, with memories of my sweet girl and her Piggy as I quietly whisper, “sweet dreams”.

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