First, men are all little children. They never grow up. They have simple needs, love, sex, beer and sports (LOL!!). When they marry, and it’s just the two of us, it’s perfect - one on one attention and time, total focus on you and me.
When you add a baby to that mix, suddenly priorities change; it’s no longer just you and me. BABY is the most important person now to Mom, not Husband. Time, money and energy are a priority for BABY, or CHILD or CHILDREN over the two of you as a couple. And that third intervenor adds more stress, too, often divergent ideas of how to handle BABY or CHILD or CHILDREN.
It interferes with SEX, it interferes with INTIMACY, it interferes with ALONE TIME, it interferes with COMMUNICATION, it interferes with PARENTING STYLE DIFFERENCES; it interferes with the entire relationship. It effects men's health or women's....
And all of that, we presume that the parents are getting along well in the first place, are mature enough to BE parents, and both are actually happy to be parents.
The crazy in love thing is a Disney myth which takes huge energy to sustain beyond a few months.
A sustainable care for each other that is steady and capable of flowing together in romantic and passionate intensity and then relaxing out in intensity a bit like a rubber band, is much more to be desired in my experience.
Paying attention to each other is important. Spending time together massaging each other, touching, talking, sharing special moments, laughing together (hopefully you share the same sense of humour) do something together like create a garden or shared space to hang out together.
Key : both of you have to want this.
If your SO isn’t interested in increasing intimacy with you after you’ve had kids: then you need help to sustain your relationship.
There’s nothing worse than being beside someone you love with all your heart and they’re cold and unloving towards you all the time.
Believe me, I’ve been there and got the certificate of misery.