Do you ever think you look good, but then you see a picture of yourself, and you're like holy moly I ate too much of that guacamole?
I went to the beach yesterday with my kids, and to be honest, I wasn't too tripped up about being in a bathing suit.
Living in the Florida heat and the fact that I have three young kids and a pool means that I'm in my bathing suit a lot.
And, up until now, I've felt pretty good about how I looked in a two-piece.
But, tonight, for a short while, I felt embarrassed.
Embarrassed that after a year and a half of four to five days a week at the gym, I now look like this,
ashamed at how I've 'let myself go' since the pandemic started,
and semi-annoyed over not really noticing that my body has negatively changed over the last three months.
But has it really changed all that much?
Perhaps it has, or maybe it hasn't, but I've changed as a whole person, that I know.
And, one notion that this new (better?) me is reminding myself of is that I look good when my heart and soul feel good.
And, on top of that, if I'm focused on making those things happen, then whether or not I've got a pooch or some cellulite couldn't matter less.
It's taken 34 years,
a seesawing weight,
a global health pandemic,
supportive people in my corner,
and lots of positive affirming self-talk
to realize that sometimes when you feel you look good, but then you see a picture of yourself and think you don't,
all you have to do is see yourself through the eyes of the person who snapped that photo of you.
For the one who captured this image saw nothing other than
a gorgeous woman,
mothering her kids as she does best,
while laudably rocking the life-giving body that helped her to carry and now relentlessly continues to help raise those three little babies,
Am I the best shape of my life? No.
Do I look amazing? No.
But am I amazing? HELL FREAKIN’ YES.
And you are, too, so don't you ever forget it.