Let's talk. There's something on my heart that I want to say.
I feel like I'm in a season of learning. Actually, I've been in a season of learning. And growing. And stretching. And changing.
And those periods aren't always easy. In fact, sometimes they can be really, really painful.
There have been tears shed over the past months. There have been times when I've gone into my room, closed the door and cried. We are talking sobbing, face in the pillow, I can't do this anymore cries.
And there have been days when I look around and see so much goodness that it feels like my heart will burst right out of my chest.
I see how my kids relationships have been strengthened. I hear our conversations at the dinner table. I see my husband continuing to care for me and the kids in his loving and tender way. I see how we are just being in each other's presence and I feel the peace of not being overburdened by commitments. I feel a closeness with God and a renewal of my relationship with Him.
In those moments, I feel a deep sense of joy.
It's a back and forth between grieving losses and rejoicing in the blessings.
And in this season of learning, I am also gaining confidence in my husband and I's decision making.
Am I sick of making decisions? You bet. But I'm also learning that once the decisions are made, we can move forward in confidence knowing we gave it to God in prayer and made each of the decisions with thoughtful consideration.
Will everyone agree with our decisions? No way. But I'm also learning, they don't have to. It's okay if we do this pandemic thing different. We were never meant to all be the exact same anyway.
School has started. Our children are learning online, and we are getting into our rhythms. We are finding our grooves. I have to say, it feels great to have some type of consistency again.
I wasn't sure how this year would start. There have been moments of frustration and challenges, for sure, but mostly it has been good. It feels relaxed. And we are doing things we've never done during the school year, like daily devotions and family outings after dinner.
Friends, I believe God is doing something in this time. With my heart. In the hearts of my children. With my relationship with my husband. I know it.
And I feel a joy deep in my heart.
Some days are hard. Absolutely. And some days you clearly see the blessings all around.
This is one of those things I am learning during this time. There may be pain. And there may be hardship. And there may be days when I just need a moment to myself, or to have a good cry, or when I don't feel like I can possibly make another decision. But in those moments, there is still good. There is still joy.
They can both exist simultaneously. They usually do.
This is something I am learning during this time.
And I just wanted to share.