When I became pregnant with my second child and it was a boy, I was excited. I always felt that I would make a better mom to boys. Sharing a bathroom with another female was not inviting to me. LOL.
Christian came into the world 8 weeks early roaring to go. It was like he was done being secure and safe in my belly and wanted to see the world. My husband and I always said he knew he had a job to do. That job being able to take care of his older brother, who was special needs.
It felt like Christian was never a baby. What I mean by that is, he was so easy and happy all the time. I guess in the back of my mind I was waiting for the bottom to fall out. My older son had a lot of issues and I thought every child would be like that.
Days turned into months and months turned into years. I sometimes would just stare at him and realize that he was gonna fly the coop one day and be on his merry way. That is a hard thing for a mother to swallow. I mean, isn't that what we all want. We want to raise kids that are kind, responsible and hopefully will make a difference in the world.
For me, that time came very fast. I could not "baby" him anymore and I would have to let him be able to make his own mistakes. I needed to realize that it was his life and not mine. My experiences were mine and he should have his own.
That is what I struggled with. I had a great high school experience and Christian did not. I couldn't fathom how he had low self-esteem. I mean, he was my kid, and I could talk to a brick wall. What do you mean you felt out of place? And I am sure I made him feel bad about that at times. Mother of the year was not an award I was going to win during that time. LOL.
Yet, every adult told my husband & I that Christian was a great kid and very funny and respectful. I took a breathe and let it all go. I let all those expectations go right into the toilet. At that moment I really and truly looked at Christian. He was not that cute tow headed little boy who needed my protection or direction.
Christian was standing on his own two feet. He was making his own choices and mistakes, but one thing I noticed was this. He blossomed into this fine young man. Christian was probably that man for quite some time, but I missed it. I had the picture of him squeezing my hand and saying he would never let go.
Well, he did let go and I had to just catch up. Christian is now a junior at High Point University studying film and electronic media. He has a ton of friends and is comfortable in his own skin. So, I welcome embracing the man and witnessing the incredible things he will do on his OWN journey!!!