When my now-husband first proposed, I remember feeling numb. It wasn’t a good or bad feeling- or any feeling that I can remember outside of no feeling- and I imagine this is how must newly engaged women must feel.

I always knew I wanted forever with him. That was never a doubt in my mind. The formal asking my father was nice. The gorgeous custom ring he designed? That was also nice- he clearly did his research, and I'm obsessed with his creation. I’ve had it on my finger for nearly three years now, and I still don’t get tired looking down at it.

One of my biggest wedding industry pet peeves is this insane pressure couples feel about planning a single day, instead of planning, you know, their entire lives.

I find it both repulsive and overwhelming, but we consumers also fall victim to the chaos. We believe the hype, and we act helplessly to the lies.

Today, I'm seeing this with so many of my friends in the planning stages- they're consumed by table number settings instead of fundamental issues in their relationship. They're focused on paying for catering versus paying down important debts.

There’s nothing wrong with spending a lot of money on your wedding. Nothing whatsoever. But, spending money you don’t have on people you may not like to do things you don’t necessarily love- that’s definitely not right.

So, who’s to blame? Is it the parents who want to maintain old traditions? Is it the Pinterest boards flooded with rustic inspiration and mason jars? Or, is it something else- this FOMO that maybe so much of us feel, despite also knowing that our happiness is inherently and uniquely our own responsibility?

My wedding was magical. It wasn’t perfect because it didn’t need to be. We didn’t check all the boxes that every ideal wedding checks, and we certainly tackled certain tasks in our own unique and dynamic way. I look back, and I wouldn’t have changed anything.

But the wedding was just a day- just a tiny, tiny fraction in the lifetime I’ve committed to my marriage. It was a splendid day- probably the best day of my life so far- but it was splendid for reasons completely different from the cake flavor and the table centerpieces.

It was splendid because it was ours, and because we shared it with all our friends and family, and because we made a commitment to growing, learning, and loving each other- in good times and bad.