For the most part, I have been getting sweet, heartfelt compliments during this pregnancy. "You are glowing, you are all belly, you look radiant" and more. However, there is something about a baby bump that inspires some insensitive remarks. Not sure what is it about a baby bump that provokes some to be unkind and rude, but it happens. I have been keeping notes this time around and thought I would share with you what should be refrained from saying to a pregnant woman.
1. Did you plan this? Ok, I get this one a lot! Not really sure if it's your business if I planned to pee on ovulation sticks and create another life or if we had an unprotected meeting after celebrating New Years Eve. Either way, do I really have to explain if I planned this? A simple Congratulations would be pretty sweet if you ask me.
2. When are you due, tomorrow? Look, my belly gets really big when I am pregnant. I have a short torso and there is no where for the baby to go but straight out. So, what I wonder is what compels people to take a little jab and remind me of how big I am. Wow, this one blows my mind. Also, at times people ask, "Are you sure there isn't twins in there?" Either way, our bodies are going to do what they need to do to make a liver and a pancreas and most of us GET BIG. Please refrain from pointing out how large I am. Trust me, I already know and don't need the extra input.
3. What number is this? What are you Mormon? Asking me what number child this is is completely fine, but to ask me if I am Mormon because this is my 4th has me completely bewildered. I kid you not, when a woman asked me this I spit my drink all over the place and started to cough. I think my reaction caught her off guard too. She told me four was a lot of kids so she assumed I was a Mormon. My question is what if I was a Mormon? What was she going to say then? Did it ever occur that maybe I love kids and don't mind a big family. I actually think big families rule. It boggles my mind how someone would feel compelled to ask my religion because I am pregnant with my 4th. Surely I am not trying to be a Duggar, however I am stoked to have a big family.
4. Don't eat this or drink that! Ok guys this is my fourth time around and I always have one cup of coffee, not a pot. Also, I occasionally sip on one glass of wine. Just one! This is all perfectly fine with my doctors, so why is it not fine with you. When I decide to get my one cup of coffee at Starbucks, there is no need for the woman behind me to ask me if I was getting decaf or the woman at the restaurant to say I hope you're not having more than one glass of wine. Really? I know not to have one glass and I know not to have more than a cup of joe, but thanks for caring about my intake when I don't even know you.
5. Why would you have more children? Ok this one has me flabbergasted. My question is why wouldn't you? I had a friends husband once come over to us and tell us for ten minutes how we were nuts, crazy, have lost our minds for having another kid. He then went on to explain how before his two kids his marriage was great and now they fight all the time. He also was very clear and looked at my husband and I (remind you I am very pregnant) and he said, "I would never have another one. Never!" At that point I clearly wanted to say, "you should never have one because you can't even handle the two you have." I also wanted to tell him wow, what nice inspiring words to say to a person pregnant with their 4th. Let's high-five to your sweetness. NOT!
6. You look pregnant from behind! Say What??? Oh yes, I have had two women say something along these lines to me. One woman said, "some people you can't tell are pregnant from behind, but you I can totally tell." Well thank you for letting me know that. How sweet! Another person said, "Some women are like an hour-glass from behind, but you… not-so-much, so you must be having a girl." Oh yes, this was another one of those spit out your drink moments. Did I just hear her right? I responded with a big "Wow, I feel so good now that you said that." What's crazy is these comments are from people who have been pregnant before.
7. You look soooo tired! This one truly bothers me and I hear it from friends and strangers. Look, I have three kids and I rest when I can, but please.. when someone looks tired don't bother telling them. Chances are they are exhausted for whatever reason and reminding them of how they look won't change the fact they are running on empty. It's not easy being pregnant with no time for naps and restless nights and taking care of your already large family. Looking tired goes with the job and us moms will blow dry our hair and put lipstick on when we can. And when someone can give us a three-hour mid-day nap trust us we will take it. The worst is when they say you should try to get more rest. That's when I want to say, will you take care of my family because I would love to look rested!
Either way, no matter what a few people may say, I am happily pregnant with my fourth. I simply cannot make a few bad comments negate the rest of the sweet ones. I am grateful for this sweet new life that is forming and truly cannot wait to see his beautiful face. People will continue to have no filter, and the chances are it will be offensive. I am not alone in this and my friends have had their own share of not-so-nice tales. At the end of the day, all that matters is our health and bringing this baby safely into the world.
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