Four years ago today, my 23-year-old self walked down an aisle in Redondo Beach in a light blue pair of heels right next to my daddy. I walked right on up to the most handsome, caring, perfect man and I vowed to make him my first priority always, until the end of my life here on Earth.
Four years ago, I married this man because I loved him -- I loved him dearly. I loved him more than I could put into words and I wanted to start a beautiful, perfect life with him and one day in the far future, start a beautiful, perfect family with him too.
Three years passed and we welcomed that tiny perfect human into our family and at that moment, I failed my wedding vows to my husband. I failed to continue putting him first in my life.
I've spent the past 14 1/2 months putting my heart and soul into being Ava's mommy. There has been stress and there have been tears but I've always made sure I put Ava first and foremost in my life. She's been my number one priority over everything else and up until recently, I've believed that I was doing that right.
She should be my top priority, right?
My number one should be my husband, just as I vowed to him in front of 167 of our closest family and friends four years ago. My husband should be my number one priority over everything else and I'll tell you why:
Without my husband, Ava wouldn't be here.
Without my husband, Ava wouldn't be able to live in a home with a mother and a father.
Without my husband, Ava wouldn't know how a woman should be treated because he is the perfect example.
Without my husband, I'd have no help and with that comes stress. And with stress, I cannot be the best mommy I can possibly be.
Without my husband, Ava wouldn't ever learn what growing up in a happy, healthy marriage looks like and if I am not putting him first, then you better bet my marriage won't be happy and healthy.
Without putting my husband first, so many things I want for Ava's life cannot happen. If I'm not in a happy and healthy marriage first and foremost, then I'm not able to lead by example for Ava and show her what it means to be madly, deeply in love. And I want that for her dearly.
Have you ever noticed how when your marriage is in stress that you're angered more easily and that often reflects on your kids? Because I sure have. When I'm not happy in my marriage, I'm not as happy in the day to day. And when I'm not happy in my every day life, I'm not able to be the best version of myself. I'm not able to fully be the mommy I want and need to be for my little girl. We need to put our marriages first, even before our kids, because if we aren't happy, then they aren't happy.
Our marriages come first so that we can put our kids at the center.
Four years ago I vowed to put my husband first in my life and today I vow to work on that -- for myself, for my husband + for Ava.