Once upon a time, I blogged about my infertility “journey.” And while those days are now behind me, I feel compelled every year to use social media to raise awareness in the one way I know how— by sharing some of my story. It’s a painful situation for so many, and I am fortunate to have made it to the other side. For years as we tried to create and grow our family, I could never see that as a possibility. First: can I please have just one sweet child? Then, please, a sibling to fill our hearts...and then, when my heart still felt like something was missing, please please please?

Here is the Facebook post I shared today with a few hundred of my closest friends and family 😉. Now, at almost 42, I am on the other side, but my life was forever changed by my experiences.

Almost 14 years ago we found out having children wasn’t going to be easy. Yet even after hearing that, I had no idea of the road ahead. I figured I could take a pill, drink a shit-ton of wheatgrass, make it happen. I could “just relax.” Or something.

The years we were trying to have a family were unquestionably the darkest days of my life. I felt alone; I felt like a failure. I was obsessed and could think of nothing else. I felt helpless. I felt hopeless. If you know me now but didn’t know me then, you wouldn’t believe it. If you’ve known me always and are still here, Thank You. The number of cycles we tried and failed or lost still take my breath away. But we were the fortunate ones. We both had jobs and decent insurance and my stubborn-ass personality that always pleaded, “just one more time.” And we did ultimately have success (Three, thanks to Medical Miracles, and, as I am the first to tell strangers at the dollar bin at Target, a completely baffling and perfect and “natural” inexplicable Fourth).

“Hope” can be the most offensive of the four-letter words. You want to have it and hold onto it but sometimes it hurts too much. While I am now quite removed from this struggle—1 in 8 are just beginning. Or are still in the thick of it. Or never made peace with an outcome their heart couldn’t accept.

Yesterday marked the start of Resolve’s Infertility Awareness Week. If you know someone, be there for them. Ask them how. If you are someone...hold onto to the hope. Take care of yourself. If it once was you, maybe share your story.

“Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.”

“When the world says ‘give up,’ Hope whispers ‘try it one more time.’”