The older I get, the harder it is for me to trust people. It's hard to trust...really anyone in life.
I have many experiences at this point in life telling me things like :
It's not safe...Don't do it!
Stay to yourself...Don't let people in. Won't this save you from hurt and pain?
Many tears and broken relationships have led me to think the smartest thing to do is to keep to myself. To stay away from making deep friendships or share honestly about my life...it will be lead to heartbreak.
Even though this almost feels proven in my life, I have realized this is the absolute worst way to live. This leads to loneliness and heartbreak also.
I have been allowing fear to overcome my thoughts, questioning the amazing people in my life due to experiencing hurt and disappointment.
The more people I talk to, I realize this is common. We live in fear with walls so high and so thick...it's almost impossible to let people in. Some of us are like this with our spouses, regardless of how long we've been married. Some of us are even like this with friends who have proven themselves true.
I have found that I tend to do a "yo-yo" with my heart and others. I push to try to open up my heart to trusting people, and then I take it back again as I remind myself it's too risky.
But the TRUTH is...I want to live a life of LOVE. I can't do that and live in fear. I want to live in freedom. I want to wake up each day and try again. I want to keep trying to let people in and try to love those around me better without fear.
I may not be able to trust people, but I CAN TRUST GOD.
He is faithful, He has my heart, He knows my future, and I can trust Him to put trustworthy people around me. I can only live a life of love that would glorify Him, by giving my heart a little bit more each day to His people.
Fighting daily against the fear of hurt sometimes feels debilitating. I choose to trust God and I hope you will too! You never know the amazing relationships that are right around the corner, if you would just open your heart and trust!