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Challenge: Romance After Kids

When my creative juices flow—everything feels juicier!

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Being a mom of three kids, one of whom struggles with ADHD, while working from home as a writer, and being the main cook, chauffeur, homework-helper, and referee was not exactly a recipe for romance in my marriage. By the end of each day, my tank was empty. I just wanted to lay down with a bar of Toblerone and binge watch Game of Thrones or Mad Men. Passion was not on the grocery list.

Like a lot of moms, I heard my inner voice calling—but I ignored it. Doing anything that wasn’t parenting felt daunting. How could I work on a book when kid #1 was having her first driving lesson, kid #2 had to get to the orthodontist, and kid #3 was late for karate?

Even though I didn’t see how my obsessive I-must-be-engaged-in-parenting-at-every-moment mindset was killing my mojo, my husband did. He encouraged me to take a weekend away to write. He even set up my “writing retreat” by booking me a hotel room on Starwood points just a few miles away

And guess what?

Writing makes me feel alive. And when I feel alive, I’m way more into romance. There is a common misconception that being a good mother means devoting your every waking moment to your kids. This just made me an exhausted mother. The more time I gave myself for my work, the happier I felt. The deeper I got into my novel, the more abuzz I felt with creative energy—and that makes for some intense chemistry!

My husband’s support in booking my “retreats” and his encouragement to schedule writing time into my day allowed me to finish my first novel, “Restless in L.A.” (available February 27th BTW!) I am so grateful for his support. There’s no question that gratitude leads to romance. When I feel loved, I feel loving. When I feel fulfilled, I feel like a whole person—and that creates passion. I wondered, how can I find time to write? But the question is, how can I not? My career blossomed and my marriage blossomed along with it.

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