1. Dear Moms and Dads who are newbies, rookies, greenhorns...

Here's what everyone is thinking but no one says about the other parents at school. There are several types of parents you will encounter and maybe this short and slightly snarky list will help prepare you. Since you are rookies, if you overzealously jump into one of these categories, we'll let you slide the first nine weeks. After that, you're on your own.

-PTA moms (and some dads but only because their wives made them)-these are some well intentioned but highly competitive gals. They rise early and stay late and smile as they threaten to make you draw back a nub when you try to help fill cups with ice at the _____________(fill the blank) party/celebration/feast. They plan activities and fundraisers and all manner of goodness that helps support the school but dadgum it, you better not cross them. They have the plan Stan and if you want to help, you better ask what they want you to do. No one goes rogue. They can be somewhat cliquish, if the truth be told, but when you labor for hours over a hot copy machine, you bond. I get it. But be let's be clear, they are going to accomplish things this year, come hell or melted popsicles.

-Volunteers-somewhat related to PTA moms but still different. These are the moms who don't feel the need to chair some committee but still want to help. They may be working moms who can't come to every party or field trip but do send items or take a day off work to chaperone when they can. They might be moms who more shy or introverted and just don't want to lead. Or they may be veteran moms-the ones for whom this isn't the first rodeo-who know it's easier to let the PTA moms have at it while they quietly sign up to bring Caprisuns or napkins. *slowly raises hand*

-Late to school/arrive in pajamas moms- I know there are so many scenarios about why kids arrive late to school and some are totally legit in need of compassion. These are not what I am addressing here. And I'm not talking occasional tardiness when those days come when you just can't get your crap together and you screech into the drop off line, clearly after the bell and send your kids running in with an apologetic shrug and a prayer. (Can you hear/read the voice of experience screaming through that description?!) I'm talking about the moms who regularly show up late and bring their kids in the office because they are waaaay past time for an apologetic shrug and a prayer. You'll recognize them by their fuzzy slippers and SpongeBob pj pants and tank. Really?! As I said, we have those crap mornings too but if you already late, go ahead and put on a bra. America will thank you.

Pinterest moms

These are the scariest of them all. They are the ones who obviously have spent a lot of time combing the boards looking for amazing things they can craft, sew, cook, glue, staple,paint, build etc... for their kid and teacher. They are the ones who send customized treat bags for everyone in the class for every occasion. Arbor Day? Homemade tree snacks complete with hand iced leaves and acorns. Seventeenth day of school? Handmade calendars highlighting learning goals met all 17 days. And don't even start on the bigs like Halloween, Christmas or Easter. Why are they scary you ask? Because after all that time spent researching, shopping for required items and actually crafting them, they are tired and cranky. GIve them a pat on the back, an "atta girl" and step back slowly.

The rules don't apply to my kids moms this one is pretty self explanatory. All I will say is, the rules DO apply and when those kids grow up, they'll be working for the PTA moms' kids, for a least a week or two until they are either fired or quit because they didn't get a participation ribbon/raise.

Carpool crazy moms- these are a close cousin to the "rules don't apply" moms listed above. They are the ones who can't seem to figure out how to handle car pool. Yes, we are waiting in line like everyone else. No, you can't cut across and jump in line. Yes, my time is just as valuable as yours. If you are that late, set your clock earlier. And put down your phone and pull your car up. IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.

Ranting about other moms- Clearly I fall in this category.

This is not an exhaustive list by any means and of course dads fit into some of these categories as well. There are some challenges in learning to co-exist with some types but all in all, we are in the same boat. We all want the best for our kids. We all want them to have every opportunity to excel and someday become productive citizens who contribute to society. (And take care of us when we are old.)And maybe someday, when they grow up and become parents, they'll call us and let us know they appreciate us more than ever since becoming parents themselves. So we have to let each other off the hook sometimes and realize it takes a village to raise our kids. And we are all entitled to our opinion of who the village idiots are.

Have a great year!