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Challenge: Finding Your Voice as a Parent

Your Voice Matters

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Do you ever feel like your voice does not matter? There are times as a parent when you may feel that your voice does not matter but I am here to tell you that your voice does matter. In this article, I will be sharing some tips with you on helping you maintain confidence in the fact that your voice does matter. Sometimes with children, many parents get into a power struggle with their voices. This power struggle can sometimes appear that the parent and child are trying to over-talk each other and it eventually turns into a shouting match. It is not OK to yell and shout with your children. This will only create a learned behavior which will increase the shouting matches which will then turn into disrespect. The biggest issue sometimes can be that others are around and witness these altercations. Now you have to hear their opinions and what they would do. This can also make you feel incapable of being the best parent you know you are. Below are some coping mechanisms you can use that may help you with maintaining your voice and realizing that your voice does matter. Your children are more prone to listen when they feel that they are being heard and validated.

  • Take time to listen and do more listening than talking
  • It is okay to validate your children’s thoughts and emotions whether you agree or not (Listen, Listen, Listen)
  • Watch your tone of voice and remain calm and do not feed into negative energy.
  • Try to learn more about your children by listening to them because this is the time when they may be attempting to create a closer relationship with you through disclosure.
  • Don’t be so judgmental and remember you were their age once upon a time.
  • You want your children to be able to confide in you so don’t run them away by judging everything they tell you.
  • Don’t miss out on the opportunity to get closer to your children.
  • Pay attention to every opportunity and make sure you don’t miss out on them.
  • Don’t get into a power struggle. If you see the conversation is not going well take a time out. Have this conversation with your child and let them know that it is okay to call for a time out to keep the tension down and de-escalate situations.
  • Don't allow other people's perceptions and opinions to create doubt about your parenting style.
  • It is okay to listen to other people's opinions but don't take it to heart use what you feel is helpful and let the rest ride on out.

Remember if you yell, curse, and scream you are only teaching your children that this is acceptable behavior and they will do the same to you. Work towards creating a safe place where they feel comfortable talking to you and expressing themselves even about the things they know you wouldn’t approve of but at least felt comfortable enough to bring it up. If you shun them every time they try to conversate with you this will only create a wall and barrier in the relationship. If you want your voice to matter you must treat them as though their voice matters as well.

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