As you would have understood from the title, you would not be surprised to know why I am writing about this particular topic. While the phase of parenthood is something which would be filled with emotional ups and downs, you would rarely find people discussing the downside. This is because they believe that just by focusing on the positives, they could hope and pray that the negative aspects would go away. However, life really is not fair and straightforward like that. The same thing could be said when dealing with your children as well. As a result of giving birth to them after carrying them in your womb for nine months, you would like to shield them from every challenge and obstacle that would come their way. This is because you would not want them to be harmed in any manner. However, in doing so, you would soon realize that you would be taking their potential of self-development from them. While it would be helpful while they would be living with you, they would definitely have a hard time when they would be left on their own.
So, no matter how difficult it would be for you as a parent, you would have to allow them that space and opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them. It would be in this way that they would be able to mold themselves into better and self-reliant human beings. To know about how you would be able to navigate through these difficult and hard to manage phases, take a look at some of the challenges that mothers frequently seem to face.
Parenting the child you have
One of the biggest mistakes that new mothers seem to make is conditioning their children and raising them based on unrealistic expectations and beliefs. Simply put, they make them tread on a path based on what their children should be rather than who they really would be. It would not be surprising to see that this would eventually tend to become a challenge for mothers.
That being said, I can completely understand what you must be going through. This is because when you come to realize that the dreams and hopes you had set out for your child would never see the light of day, a truly depressing and upsetting feeling could emerge. However, if you would like to attain true happiness, you would have to let go and accept your child for what they indeed would be. This is because acceptance in its purest forms would be one of the most loving and mighty things that you as a parent would be able to do for your child. And when you would be able to do that, you would automatically find a huge weight being lifted off your chest. The bonus would be a strong and unbreakable bond being fostered between you and your child. This would also help in increasing the self-confidence of your offspring. When they would have you on their side, the task of accepting themselves would automatically become easier.
Letting them experience discomfort and pain as a result of natural consequences
Another challenge that majority of the parents seem to face is seeing their children go through discomfort and pain which appears to arise from their effects. While we would like to make them believe that this world would be a magical place to live in, we would not be fair on them. This is because when this belief would be shattered, they would automatically begin questioning all the other things that you had told them. The consequence would be a barrier or a bad relationship being formed.
So, rather than putting fences all around them and protecting them from all bad things, let them make mistakes and learn from it. After all, we as human beings seem to learn and become better through trial and error. The main job of you as a parent would be to help your child when they would be undergoing these difficult times. For instance, when they would be acting out, it would be better to hear them out and try to understand their point of view. When things would have calmed down, you could have a heart-to-heart discussion with them and make them realize their mistakes and the consequences that would result from it. By letting them know that you would be by their side, they would feel like they could achieve and conquer anything that would come their way.
Facing blame, shame, and judgment from other people
We seem to live in a society that seems to thrive on the miseries of other people. Even though it would be shameful to admit, even to yourself, you would still need to do that if you have any chance of survival. So, if you would have a child that seems to engage in tantrums and other sorts of challenging behaviors, you know that you already have a lot on your plate. So, the last thing that you would need is other people giving you judgmental looks and passing rude comments. Based on that, it would be pretty reasonable if you would be feeling bad about yourself. This would be even though you would be trying to do everything within your capability to raise your child in the best manner possible.
Even though there would be no easy way around it, it would still need to be done. So, the next time you would find yourself in this kind of a sticky situation, you would have to strengthen yourself and stop your mind from conjuring unlikely scenarios. Rather than thinking about all the demeaning and harmful things that people around you are thinking about you and your child, focus on getting the situation under control. This would help in making you feel better about yourself while also promoting hope and calmness.
Your children saying they hate you
Being a mother, one of the greatest joys in life would be hearing your child say how much they love you and that they cannot imagine life without you. Conversely, your life would come crashing down when you would hear the exact opposite. Even though you would like to believe that your child would never be capable of doing something this outrageous, it would never hurt to prepare yourself for this potentially doomed day.
Saying that your child hates you and would never want to see your face again has the power to reduce any parent to grief and pain. It would make you wonder about all the things that you have done wrong and other ways you could have handled the situation so that you would not have to face this day.
A surprising fact is that kids seem to know the reaction of saying something like this would have on their parents. It would be for this reason that they would use it as a tactic to win an argument or get out of trouble. However, if you would really like the situation to work in your favor, I would suggest that you pause and take a deep breath. With a gentle nudge and some versatility, deflect the topic and try to bring it back to the main focus. The main thing is that you should not try to take this to heart, no matter how difficult it might be.
With that, I would like to conclude my discussion. One last thing that I would like to say as my parting note is that there would be no easy way around it. There would be good days and bad days. However, your primary goal as a mother would be to be the best parent that you possibly could. There would be no right answer or right way in every situation that you would be faced with. While there would be some things that would be a walk in the park, there would be other instances that would fill you up with anxiety and make you clammy. Hence, the critical thing would be to be a parent that would take care of their child and always try to be by their side. Even though you would not be able to protect them from every bad thing, assure them that you would hold their hand no matter what.
This is Amy Walker here, and as you are reading this, you would be able to understand my passion for blog writing. Motherhood is something which I could say changed me and my life for the better. It brought happiness and contentment which I did not even know was missing from my experience. Down the line, I have learned to be happy with whatever I have. However, this sense of realization did not seem to spring up on its own. After countless letdowns and challenges, mainly where my kids are concerned, I understood that life and motherhood are not perfect. It is with the imperfections that we learn to live with and derive happiness from. It would be for this reason that I took up blog writing. Through my posts, I want to share my story so that mothers all across the world would have someone who would get them. I hope not only to inspire people but also make them realize that this life is truly worth living, especially with our beloved children. FYI, my other blog, Debate the Weight.