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Gross Moments in Parenting - OMG! I just ate ......

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It was one of those days. Everything is going wrong, everybody is talking at you and tugging at you and you just really, really, really need a freakin’ break. A few minutes to yourself, a little bit of silence. A shower!


photo via @frostedevents ------

I was on the phone with the cable company trying to figure out why we pay a million dollars every month for a bunch of channels we don't watch and wifi that mysteriously disappears every three minutes. A month before we had decided to drop cable and try the streaming and Netflix thing. But after the first week my husband caved.

Apparently in his desperation to get our cable back he agreed to whatever mega package they offered without even asking what the bill would be. And then the bill came and I opened it to find our cable bill was now more than our car payment. WTF!

So I was on hold with the cable company and my toddler was begging to be fed. Not because he was starving. Rather, the minute I try to have a conversation with anyone he turns into the world’s neediest child. I pulled the top off of an applesauce pouch and handed it to him, still holding the phone to my ear all the while.


A few minutes later we were finally wrapping up the details on a much more reasonable cable package we wouldn’t have to refinance our home over. As I listened to the salesperson go through the line-up my son began tugging on me, wanting to be held. I scooped him up and bounced him on my hip for a quick minute before putting him back down to finish my phone conversation.


photo via @frostedevents ---

When I turned him loose I noticed a smear of applesauce on my forearm. I assumed he had drizzled a bit on me as I was holding him. Without thinking twice I licked the substance off my arm.

As soon as I swallowed I knew something was wrong. About the same time I glanced over at my child standing there in his pull-up, and that’s when I saw IT. A pale, yellow-brown, grainy trail coming up the back of his diaper. And that’s when I realized I had just licked away my child’s runny poop.

Somehow I managed not to throw up. I guzzled about a gallon of water, but it didn’t help wash away the thought.

Needless to say, I have a knee-jerk reaction to the sight of applesauce now. I learned a great lesson about the importance of being more mindful and present.

Being a mom is hard. And awesome. There are good days, and there are crappy days. Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the…. Ok, I’m kidding!


photo via @frostedevents ---

Really, my advice is this: when it comes to kids, NEVER EVER just assume it’s applesauce. Or chocolate. Or ice cream…. or anything but the worst. Always follow a biohazard grade protocol when dealing with unknown fluids and small children.

For your own safety and sanity.


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