The moment you were placed onto my chest, and I gazed down at you for the very first time, it felt like time completely stood still. My life truly began with yours.
The pain disappeared immediately, the noise and chaos in the room faded away, my needs instantly came second to yours, and all I could focus on was the steady rise and fall of your breath, and your sweet cries and whimpers.
I stared at your perfect lips and tiny nose, all ten of your wrinkly little fingers, and your big, bright eyes, opening for the first time and immediately searching for me. There was no doubt about it. You knew. I was your mama.
I guess I never knew what to expect when you finally arrived. I never knew exactly what this kind of love would feel like. Other moms told me. I read all the things, but I didn’t know if I would think and feel all the things I was supposed to think and feel. I didn’t know if my instincts would kick in, or if they would let me down.
As I snuggled you close to me, and breathed in that intoxicating new baby smell, I felt a rush of emotions that nobody could have prepared me for. I felt a deep, fierce love that was honestly overwhelming, and it took me some time to get adjusted to. I felt exhausted, but also invigorated, and I wanted to hold you forever so that you would always be protected and safe. I felt sad that I would no longer feel you kicking around in my belly, but also beyond thrilled that the long nine months of pregnancy were over. I felt nervous and unsure about what was to come down the road ahead, but I also felt at peace knowing that we’d figure it out. We were in it together.
I knew I was going to make mistakes, and that at times I would wonder if I could really do this whole “mom thing.” I knew that you would have your moments- you would cry, whine, not sleep, fuss, throw tantrums, make messes, test my patience and make me question my sanity. I knew that as you grew up, I would begin to lose little pieces of this sweet baby sleeping in my arms. I knew that our love for each other would change and evolve as you reached each new milestone in your life.
You see, those things didn’t matter yet. I had time to worry about them later. In those first few moments, the moments our bond as mother and child began, the only thing in the world that I knew for sure was that you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever set my eyes upon, you were created from love, and the rest would sort itself out eventually.
You were mine, and I was yours.
I was a Mama, and you were my baby.
No matter what life ever throws our way, this will always stay true.