You know what? Sometimes I'm a real piece of work.
I know my husband sees it. My kids certainly sees it. Heck, maybe everyone sees it and I'm fooling no one.
I can be all sorts of moody. It doesn't matter the time of day. It makes no difference how much sleep I've gotten. I'm like a sullen teenager. I feel sorry for myself. I pout. I get worked up about almost anything.
I cry at the drop of a hat. Amazon commercial? Drowning in tears. Movie preview? Oh, it's all over for me. I don't even know what the movie plot is, you guys.
I feel like a nut about it. I wonder if menopause is kicking in early. It most certainly is hormones, right? Or is this just who I am now?
Have kids and life and anxiety all got the best of me? Or maybe it's just a rut. Maybe, once the kids are a little older and life is more consistent and predictable I'll settle down and my mood will unwind a bit.
But I want my family and friends to know... I'm sorry. I know I can be a jerk. I know I'm a flake sometimes. I know I've frustrated you, or pissed you off, or just didn't reach out lately.
But I'm also not sorry. I'm keeping little humans alive. I'm working my butt off. I'm putting my family first, before anyone including myself. I may be lacking in some departments but I'll be damned if there isn't food on the table, toilet paper in the bathroom, and clean clothes to wear.
Life is a great balancing act, and my see-saw is going full tilt at any given moment. I'm sure yours is too. And while I might be a no show at your sip and shop party or run late to birthday party, I am here for you. I love you. I cherish you and our relationship. I promise you that. Because that's the kind of person I am. That's who I've always been.