I was 3 months postpartum and we booked a hotel for our first night away since the triplets birth. •
It felt like there was so much pressure leading up to the night. I was so nervous to have sex.. I was not in a good place mentally, it was the peak of my postpartum depression. My body was still very much in its postpartum. My boobs seemed to constantly leak milk and I struggled to feel beautiful. I was afraid of disappointing my husband sexually and ruining our sacred alone time together that we had been needing so desperately. •
Maybe for some women sex after you birth a child is magical and amazing. But for me, it couldn’t have been further from the truth. I can’t be the only Mom out there who felt like this after giving birth?
I will spare you the details and just say it ended with me crying and feeling even more insecure.I think I carried so much pressure for the night itself. I struggled to feel attractive and was worried about how it would feel down there Ugh, just thinking about it makes me cringe. I was so embarrassed and feel blushed just sharing with you.
Ry and I couldn’t have sex most of my pregnancy, so by the time we started having sex again post babies, it had been awhile. Fortunately, I have a very loving and gracious husband who never saw my body for the way I at one point during my postpartum saw it: unattractive and disgusting. He has always seen the beauty in me. •
On our first night away post babies, I realized a lot about intimacy. I sat in the bath tub and cried so hard with Ryan by my side. He affirmed me and told how much he loved me, how beautiful I was. He also told me he was worried about my depression and anxiety and that he would be by my side to see me through. Little did I know that was the kind of intimacy we needed that night, a deep level of connection.
Sex after childbirth may not be amazing and it’s okay. It takes time for your body to heal. And I think intimacy is about creating closeness together whether that is physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. Its about being intentional about intimate moments together #marriagetruths101
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