Self-work is the hardest work of motherhood.
It's not the raising of the humans.
It's not the sustaining of the marriage that likely lead to the creation of those humans.
It's figuring out when, where, why and how to get to know, befriend, grow as, trust, love and work on yourself while you are partnered up with another, (who is trying to do the same) and tunnel-focused on loving and teaching the hell out of your children.
Sometimes self-work looks like self-care and feels rewarding.
Other times, self-work looks like isolation and feels, well, a bit depressing.
Alternatively, self-work also looks like work; hard, stressful, mentally, and physically exhausting work.
Self-work is anything that's allowing YOU to connect with YOU so that GROWTH can happen.
Self-work can look like:
*morning affirmations* *daily meditation* *Bible reading* *time in the gym* *doing yoga* *getting a massage* *going to church* *staying home from church* *sitting in nature* *sitting with your children* *being with friends* *being alone* *making plans* *canceling plans* *having a cocktail* *having a mocktail* *making a list* *arbitrarily tackling tasks* *seeking and heeding advice* *trusting your gut* *reading a book* *watching a show* *daydreaming* *introspecting*
Thankfully, there is no "right way" to do self-work. So, do that shiitake, better yourself, and pursue your dreams any way you gosh darn please.
And, the really magical thing about working on yourself next to another person working on his/herself while you both put any extra (or let's keep it real, probably the majority of) your energy into working on building a family unit who, as team, feel so connected, but as individuals, also feel guided, supported, but also free -- free to take part in their own transformation -- is that in your day-to-day life allows for those you surround yourself with (those taxing, blood-related comrades) to peel back pieces of you, which otherwise may have stayed masked.
It's no surprise when I tell you that, most of the time, I have no idea what I'm doing -- at work, at home, in my relationship, and with the raising of my kids.
And, I bet it doesn't shock you to know that I'm routinely frustrated, impatient, anxious and that I yell.
But, that's kind of the really cool things about living your adult life as a parent, not that you can and probably will spend your mid and later years stressed the fudge out, but that you are presented with regular opportunities to grow, change and become a better version of yourself.
Sure, a life of peaches and cream, well-behaved kids, a clean house and a husband who never tells you "you didn't tell me that" would be nice, but it would also be kind of boring, easy, irritatingly comfortable, and, well, lame.
I mentioned that self-work is the hardest work of motherhood, and that is because it requires you to revamp yourself almost daily; to find ways to do and be it all at work, in your marriage and with your kids, while also ensuring that your method of accomplishing such, isn't at the expense of you losing any time doing and being whatever the heck else you want for your own darn self and state of contentment.
Self-work is grueling, but the results, they will be fantastic, and you and your offspring will forever reap the benefits of the immense effort you are putting in.
Self-work is the hardest work of motherhood and quite possibly, the most important.