Strong- that’s what I prayed and asked God to make me while I was pregnant with Harper. I prayed for Him to make me the strongest version of myself. I had a healthy pregnancy, a short labor and delivery and a healthy beautiful baby girl. I thanked God for getting me through that time. I thought to myself “well I can do this, I can be a mom.”Three weeks went by and Chase returned to work after being off for paternity leave. I was anxious but also had it all planned out as to what I would do to keep myself busy during the day. But those plans didn’t pan out. That Monday I knew something wasn’t right, I don’t know how to explain it other than I wasn’t myself. I called my mom and the doctor and saw them the following morning. I had a horrible feeling of what they were going to tell me, and I was correct. The two words I dreaded my whole pregnancy and prayed that I would never have to experience. Postpartum Anxiety and OCD. Terrified, embarrassed, angry and mostly heartbroken were some of the feelings that I had. I thought to myself WHY me? What else can I possibly go through. The following three weeks were HELL. Trying to get accustomed to medicine and therapy and trying to understand what was going on with myself. I was angry. So angry and jealous of all the other moms that were getting the opportunity to enjoy their bundle of joy. Haven’t I been through enough I asked God. But no, I haven’t. Because I asked him to make me strong, the strongest version of myself. And that is exactly what he has done and will continue to do and for that I am grateful. With May being Mental Health awareness month, I want other moms out there to know it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to ask for help. You are not alone. The stigma behind mental health has to change. And I’m Thankful for the experiences God has given me. I am even more thankful for the support he placed in my life to get me through this time. 1 out of every 7 new moms experience a form of postpartum depression. If any new moms experience this, get help. Do not suffer alone and do not be afraid. There are so many resources out there to get you through this time.
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