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Naked Walk of Shame

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All three of my kids have a penchant for wearing pajamas all day (not sure where they got that from- cough cough). They wear pajamas when it’s not socially appropriate and I am 100% here for it. But, I do draw the line at wearing them to school. At least I thought I did. For the last two weeks my toddler has refused to wear clothes to school so I let him go in jammies. I filed that under the category of NEW PARENTING LOW. But what are you gonna do? You can’t fight city hall (or a 2 year-old for that matter).

Every single day something ridiculous and unbelievable happens to me and I think to myself…well, this is it, ROCK BOTTOM…parenting could not possibly get any more absurd. I had that very thought this morning and then THIS happened.

We were leaving for school and Mr. Toddler decided he was in no mood to get dressed, not even PJ's. Fine with me. I refuse to get my kids to school even two minutes late because this cuts into my precious free time and EVERY MINUTE COUNTS. So, I told him we could drive to school naked and get dressed in the school parking lot.

However, when we arrived at school he still refused to get dressed. I was sitting in my car crying and feeling utterly defeated when Ms. Kim (my dear mom friend who also happens to be the preschool director) swooped in like a Love and Logic ninja and took over. She walked him into school wearing NOTHING BUT A DIAPER AND RED GLOVES.

This included a frigid walk across the parking lot and a long walk of shame to his classroom where onlookers were peeing their pants laughing at the spectacle. We even got a few slow claps from parents who were in awe that we actually followed through on a threat every parent has made at some point. Eventually, he did make the choice to get dressed.

You would think this episode would have humiliated me, but after the three maniacs I call children, shame is not a word in my vocabulary.

***Christina Crawford is a freelance writer from Dallas, TX. Her writing has been featured on Scary Mommy, Sammiches & Psych Meds, Her View From Home, and Filter Free Parents. If you find her misadventures in parenting amusing, follow along https://www.instagram.com/mommy_dopest/


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