I first became a mother on August 9th, 2011 to the most beautiful little boy I'd ever laid eyes on. Motherhood had very bittersweet welcome for me, though. Max was stillborn, and did not come home with us from the hospital. I was a mother but with empty arms. A mother with no child. No one to take care of except myself. I had to find the will to survive after my own child did not.

After two months of laying in bed and grieving my son, my husband suggested that I should maybe get a job. At the time, I thought he was absolutely insane. Maybe even a bit cruel. How could I go back out into the normal world when my world had been shaken up so badly and pretty much had come to a standstill.

I did get a job. I dragged my worn and ragged self out of bed and I went to work each morning. I can't say it was fun or easy. What I can say is that it made me stronger each day. I had to interact with co-workers, clients, and "normal" people, and put my grief aside for a few hours each day. Once I was back home, I could crawl back into my cave, but while I was out of the house I tried my best to function in the working world.

About a month or so later, I found out I was pregnant again. WOW. The emotional rollercoaster began again, and despite my anxiety and fears, everything turned out just fine. This time, pregnancy worked out how it was supposed to! Finally, after nearly four years of pregnancy woes and losses, our amazing son was born ALIVE! I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to hear your child cry for the first time, and have a living breathing soul placed upon your chest in the delivery room. All.the.feels.

This is something that most women just expect will happen as a normal part of pregnancy and delivery. But, after so many devastating losses, I wasn't sure that I'd ever get to have a warm little bundle of human delightfulness placed upon my chest.

Another 13.5 months later, we welcomed another living, breathing, screaming, beautiful baby boy into the world. If you're keeping track, I birthed three boys from my body in a span of only 25 months. Mama was T.I.R.E.D. and OH SO HAPPY. My heart was bursting with so much joy...and there wasn't enough coffee on earth to keep me sustained (well, those things are still true today!)

Looking back on everything I've been through...all of the medical tests, bed rest, loss, grief, anxiety, tears shed, and countless sleepless nights (whether from being kept awake mourning a newborn baby or tending to one) I have to say that it has to be where I am today. I would never wish to go through my fertility journey ever again, but to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and be living the life I've always imagined, I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be.