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My Daughter Can Be So Mean....Is This Just A Phase?

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My daughter is 9 and just entered the fourth grade. I was 41 when she was born and she is an only child. My husband and I have to repeatedly talked to her about her attitude towards us and the constant eye-rolling and back talk is very hurtful. She obviously knows how to get under our skin, but she needs to know that her behavior is not acceptable or respectful. I'm grateful that she doesn't speak to her teachers or other parents the way she does to us, but I've tried various approaches that don't seem to help or when they do it's very short lived. Grounding her and other ultimatums don't seem to help and I don't want to be that kind of mom. I have even suggested that we go to counseling, but I would rather work through it on our own. I'm scared that her temper and moods are just the beginning as she begins her pre-teen years. Your thoughts and suggestions would be welcome!

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