I see kids running together at the playground.
Laughing and chasing each other.
Telling stories to each other.
Their parents sitting together just chatting about their child’s accomplishments for the day.
Deciding on when their next coffee dates will be.
Things are different in my world.
I am the mom sitting alone. Drinking my coffee by myself. Thinking about the next therapy appointment.
Keeping track of my son’s bowel movements. Planning for the next trip for blood work. The list goes on.
I am that mom that doesn’t even try to talk to the other moms. They would not understand my life.
They honestly would not care or that is how I feel.
Every mother will deal with their daily struggles. Trying to get their kids to pick up their toys. Dealing with the back-talking. Their list goes on.
I get it. Being a parent is tough.
A typical parent from special needs parents is the opposite.
I am the mother trying to determine what is causing my son’s meltdowns. Keeping data to try and determine if I can find the cause of these new behaviors.
I am the mother trying to stop my child from running into the streets. He has no sense of danger.
I am the mother trying to prevent my son from eloping from me.
I am that mother that is trying to balance all the therapy and doctor’s appointments.
I am that mother that is always advocating.
I am that mother that loses sleep at night worrying about the future.
I am that mother that always thinks about what will happen if I am gone. Will he be taken care of?
I am that mother that always wonders if my child will ever speak again. Will I ever hear “mama” again?
I am the mother that always fighting for acceptance.
I am the mother that HATES people that judge.
I am the mother that wishes life wasn’t so hard for my son.
I am the mother that wants people to be kind to everyone.
I am the mother that wishes friends wouldn’t disappear from my life.
I am the mother that wishes family would be more understanding.
I am the mother that wishes she did not have to cry every night.
I love being a mother to my sweet boy. I love how he lives every day to the fullest. I love how he does not care what people think.
I love how he just dances like no one is watching.
I love how he laughs.
I love how he smiles.
I love how he wants to give me hugs when he sees me.
I love the boy he is.
Autism is just a disorder that comes with challenges, but it does not define who my son is.
He is a sweet, funny, and caring little boy. He loves dancing. He loves music. He loves hugs. He loves cupcakes. He loves swinging. He loves playing outside.
I truly love my son for who is.