I have always believed that a strong foundation builds a strong family. In order for kids to thrive, grow, and develop, they need a stable home life. Part of this is having parents that love one another, communicate, and don’t bicker or disagree in front of their children. My husband and I didn’t always see eye to eye when it came to raising our kids and he often deferred to me, as the mother and woman of the home. But even if there were times when he had something to say or didn’t agree with my decision, he would never say it in front of the kids. After they were in bed or in another room, he’d express his feelings to me in private. It’s important to present a united front and not argue in front of your children. If they see a divide, it can be mistaken for weakness and that’s not good!

But parenting together isn’t the only important component of a strong family foundation. Making time for yourselves, as a couple is also important. Without that bond, you can’t work together as effective parents. The love you had before children still needs to be present and strong as your family grows. This is true not only for the time your children are in the home, but even after. Once the children are grown and gone, many parents experience empty nest syndrome. I know too many friends who feel lost after sending their children off to college or to live with their significant other or spouse. Couples that look at one another after 20 plus years of raising kids and find that their partner, or at least the bond they once shared, is unrecognizable. This is an unfortunate occurrence.

My husband and I worked hard to keep our connection strong when our children were young and we still do now. It’s about being best of friends. Finding things that you have in common and supporting each other’s dreams and interests. When we were a young couple in love, my husband worked many jobs so that I could stay home with my children. He sacrificed so that I could fulfill my dream of motherhood. We planned date nights once a month. They weren't always nights out to dinner or the movies. Sometimes, we just had a nice, quiet dinner together after the kids were in bed. Our at home dates were always on Tuesdays. If we were lucky enough to find a babysitter, we went out on Friday nights.

Now that we’re older, our bond has developed and grown into something different and deeper. No, we aren’t the same people we were 40 years ago, and that’s okay. We don’t do the crazy things we did back then, but the memories will always be with us. I remember one time specifically where we went to the drive-in movies. It was a warm summer night. We brought a blanket and laid it in the bed of the truck. We popped popcorn at home before leaving. It was in a big brown bag from the grocery store, covered in butter and salt. We brought along a couple cans of soda and a bag of gummy bears. I don’t remember what the movie was but I remember leaning into my husband’s strong chest, his legs spread out around me and his arms draped over my shoulders. I can still hear the crackling sound of the movie coming from the speaker propped on the tailgate. It was moments like those that helped keep us strong.

Now, we enjoy different types of fun. We frequent local restaurants and give our reviews on the car ride home. “Appetizers were too small but the steak was cooked perfectly.” We try not to make all of our date nights about food, since my husband’s trying to watch his diet. We frequent our local park where we can walk the trails and then sit on the benches facing the lake. We watch people launching their boats, kids playing nearby, and the geese making a mess of the sand. Sometimes we talk and sometimes we just sit in silence. It’s not so much about what we’re doing or what we’re even discussing, it’s just about making time to be together. You’d be surprised at how intimate sitting in silence with your partner can be.

So, for young parents, I encourage you to make time for each other, outside of parenthood. It will help make you better parents by acting as an example for your children. They’ll be able to see what true love and kindness looks like. And once they’re grown and have families of their own, you and your partner won’t forget why you married on another, instead you’ll be able to enjoy and explore all the reasons you did.