It’s not you…it’s me.
When I lose my temper and raise my voice a decibel louder than intended – I desperately want to tell you, it’s not you…it’s me.
When I say the thing I immediately wish I could take back and I see the hurt in your eyes – I pray that you see baby girl, it’s not you…it’s me.
When I use kind words and a gentle voice with your baby sister, and in the same breath only offer you impatience and exasperation – I desperately want you to know, it’s not you (or her)...it’s me.
When I’m not considerate with the words I speak about you while you are in the room – please hear me when I say, it’s not you...it’s me.
When I ask daddy to tuck you in because I can’t take one more minute – sweet girl, rest assured, it’s not you…it’s me.
When I need a minute, an hour or even a day to myself, away from this chaos of life – I pray that you understand, it’s not you…it’s me.
You see, sweet girl, when you look at me all you see is your mama. And I love that about you – that you see me with such innocent eyes. But the thing is…I am so much more than that. I am also a wife, a daughter, sister and a friend. I am an employee, a volunteer, and a life-long learner. I am a sinner, but also a child of God. And each of these roles – these responsibilities that I carry – they can make life a little complicated sometimes.
In other words…I am human.
And I make mistakes. A lot of them.
And on the days when I’m pushed to far or stretched too thin in the other roles of my life, I fall short with you. I fall short as a mama.
I lose my temper.
I raise my voice.
I use unkind words.
I treat you unfairly.
I am inconsiderate.
I am impatient.
I am selfish.
I am unkind.
And unfortunately, it is likely that some day you will understand. You will know what it feels like to feel this way. And if nothing else, I pray it will help you see my heart for you a little more clearly.
But until then, sweet girl, please know – it’s not you, it’s me.