Becoming a mom meant everything to me. For three years, my husband and I struggled with infertility. It had taken me so long to find "the one" and then my body wasn't cooperating. As every month passed and every treatment failed, my desperation to become a mother intensified. Our marriage grew stronger in ways I had never imagined. We began to realize that becoming parents was more important to us than being pregnant.
We began to explore the world of domestic infant adoption. It was an overwhelming world of agencies, homestudies, criminal background checks and laying oneself bare. We selected agencies that just "felt right" to us, completed the approval process, designed a photo book showcasing our life and began to wait. I wondered how long it would take for someone to choose us.
In those days, thinking about talking to and meeting a birth mother or birth parents frightened me. In my mind, they held all the power. They could change their minds at any time; would I be able to bear it if that happened? I couldn't begin to imagine what it would be like to be matched with the woman (or couple) who created our child. What would I say to her or them? Unexpectedly & joyously, we were selected by a couple about six weeks after being approved. Our first phone conversation & in-person meeting were the most anxious moments of my life. I wish I had known that they wanted us to like them as much as we wanted them to like us.
I wish I had known how much they would come to mean to me. I wish I had known how much love would fill my heart for them. I never fully realized how much my heart would break for them as we approached our son's due date. Despite all the joy my husband and I were about to experience, I couldn't help crying about the loss they were about to endure. I wondered how they would survive it emotionally and if this experience would lead them to a better place in their lives.
In the weeks leading up to our son's birth, his birth mother and I exchanged many texts expressing our shared joy at finding one another. She updated me with photos of the size of her growing belly and tales of how much he was moving throughout the day. I updated her with photos of his nursery and words of encouragement as she entered the final stages of her pregnancy. I wished I could spare her the pains of labor & delivery.
After his birth, we spent much time together in the hospital "oohing" and "aahing" over his tiny hands and feet. We laughed together at the little noises he made and the way he snuggled into my arms. His birth family was able to see how much we loved "our" little baby and feel confident that we would give him all the things they wanted to but could not.
His birth parents chose not to have contact with us once we came home, other than the updates we provide to the agency. At times, I wish we had more contact with them now. He's growing and changing so fast; I want them to know what a happy baby he is and that he is thriving. They are open to meeting him once he's an adult and I look forward to the day that I can support him in making that choice. Until then, we tell him daily about how we became a family and have pictures of the five of us displayed prominently in his room. We are so lucky that they chose us to parent our amazing baby boy!