It’s my job to keep them grounded, but to be quite frank, I’m anything but that right now. How can I provide such solace if I’m lacking?
I’m expected to keep everything afloat, to create new routines and schedules, but honestly, I’m a mess right now.
I should show them my strength and perseverance, but I’m losing my grasp.
It all falls on me, their mom.
I am the carrier of all burdens and pains. I am the problem solver. I am the boo-boo kisser. I am the answer and the solution.
But I am drained. I have no more answers to give. I really don’t know what’s next. I have no more will to keep going, because frankly, this all piled up much too quickly. This all became too real, too soon.
The warnings didn’t feel real, the time to adjust simply didn’t suffice.
The reality is horrible and here we stand. The world is in crisis and we’re all in survival mode.
Dead ended scenario after scenario.
Coming up empty handed day in and day out.
Not a clue to what in heavens is going on.
Not a clue to whether or not there’s a light at the end of this tunnel.
Not. A. Single. Clue.
Yet ironically, I have all the answers.
To them, we are the problem solvers and we have all the answers.
To them, problems are simple and manageable, and during these times, I admire the innocence.
The pure innocence is priceless and so very needed during a crisis.
Because with the exhaustion and all the pressure, with the not knowing, the giggles are the only things that seem to lighten my load these days.
The only hope I have is to tell myself “it will all be over soon” knowing too well, I’m not sure it will.
I miss normalcy, whatever that was.