I lost it on my kids today.
To be fair, they lost their marbles on me...at the library...in front of other families there.
At least I lost my ish in the privacy of our own car.
Yet still, or rather, of course, I feel bad about it.
Let me break it down for you.
My oldest (10) has been begging me to go to the library after school.
Not a big ask, I know, but it kind of is only because her younger brother and sister aren't the biggest fan.
And when those two don't like something, boy will they let you know.
So, here's how it happened...
I picked the kids up from school.
Kid 1, 2, and 3 were *generally* happy.
Good moods for all! Yay! That's a win.
Now all siblings are together.
And begin it did, of course, with my youngest pinching my oldest for no reason.
Then came the yelling at me and each other because everyone was interrupting each other.
I silently interrupted their interrupting with my own "Dear God, Please Help Me" prayer.
By the grace of God, who must have heard me, we made it to the library.
Made it from one location to the next, AND EVERY CHILD IS STILL ALIVE.
I am Mother of the freakin' Year!
At least that's how it sometimes feels when we can successfully accomplish even the smallest of tasks as a group when the under 12 crowd is the majority.
Which brings us to inside the library, where we were anything but quiet patrons though we tried.
And then came the afterschool meltdowns.
I mean, what library puts only one single fun swivel/sway stool in the 'kids' area' of the joint.
YOU ARE ASKING FOR TROUBLE.
Or maybe you are asking for only parents with patient and good-at-sharing kids to come to your facility, BUT WE ARE NOT THOSE PEOPLE.
And so, a verbal argument ensued between my five and 7-year-old over the too-cool-for-school stool.
My attempts to quell their ruckus did not work. My instruction to my son for him to find a book and sit down and read DID NOT WORK.
And as I was checking the homework of my eldest, my smallest tyke decided it would be the perfect time for her to wack her writing board in my face to block me from doing anything that was not giving her all of my attention.
Do you know what I didn't pay attention to at the library? Apparently, my car key.
Because I lost it, for a good ten minutes, I could not find that damn thing. I even went out to the parking lot thinking someone came into the kiddie area, took my key, and stole my car.
Because mothering children MAKES WOMEN NUTS.
Albeit this ranting/rambling.
Today I lost it on my kids.
In the car.
After all of the shiitake mentioned above.
And when I say "lose it," I just mean I yelled, cried, and gritted my teeth some.
Then I apologized, and so did they, and I got them ice cream on the way home.
I'm a softy, I know.
Honestly, they didn't deserve it.
They even told me they didn't.
But they also didn't deserve such an overdramatic reaction from their quick-to-rile mother, who hadn't seen them all day while they were in school.
They did deserve grace, though.
And tonight, grace came after the fact in the form of fro-yo.
And, guess what?
All is right with the world and my kids and inside of my home at this very moment.
Because families rally.
We can come back from the small things, and we can come back from the big things.
I share all of this with you to make sure you know that no matter what happened in or outside of your home with you and your children today,
it's going to be alright.
They are going to be okay, and you are doing great.
You love them, and they love you, and that's why you feel guilty for a less than perfect day.
Do you know what I think, though?
A less than picture-perfect afternoon is par for the course when you're an imperfect human raising mini-humans into big humans who you sincerely hope turn out a little less flawed than you.
It's a merry-go-round, folks, and I'm dizzy, but it's fun as hell, and I sure as heck don't want off.