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I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

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Let’s be real. If you saw me right now you’d probably say, “wow, she looks tired.” And you might (correctly) assume that I’m not getting enough sleep. Which makes sense, I’m a momma to a three year old and a 7 month old.

But here’s what makes me tired: Parenting.

And I don’t mean diapering and bottle making and soothing a child to sleep. I have those things down (see above photo: totally nailing it).

It’s the question answering and land-mine dodging and discipline enforcing aspect that Wears. Me. Out.

Why? That’s simple.

On any given day in this whole parenting charade, I have no idea what in the heck I’m doing.

My parenting “style” is best described as “Throw everything against a wall and see what sticks”.

I’m not sure if that’s the result of being the first of our close friends to have a child, or if that’s just my impatient nature manifesting itself in my parenting choices.

Either way, it’s keeping life interesting. Especially as G grows in independence.

For example, just the other day I asked G to pick her books up off the kitchen floor. At least twice, (maybe three times).

When I glanced back at her from switching a load of laundry and noticed she was pretty much ignoring me, I kicked it into full mean momma mode.

G, pick those books up Right. This. Minute. I need to see your feet moving or those books will be mine. One…two…
Momma! Say please. I can’t hear you unless you say please.

Ya’ll. What do I even do with that? Which lesson do I choose – manners or obedience? And can we take a moment to recognize how hard it is to not die laughing when your child says something like that to you?

She’s outsmarting me already. Houston, we have a problem.

Most days, I feel like I get through and my sanity is hanging on a thread. Occasionally I have a day where I feel like I earned a “mother of the year” award…but that’s rare.

More often than not, I’d be doing back flips if I reached mediocre status.

I am forever making choices, setting expectations, then pivoting and reassessing when I don’t like the outcomes or I realize that my expectations were way too high or way too low.

And that’s not even taking into considerations the curve ball questions my three year old now hurls at me at record pace. I had to try to explain to her why she can’t go play in a cemetery a few weeks ago. She had a LOT of (loudly asked) questions about the homeless woman doing a crossword puzzle at the coffee shop we visited last weekend. And I could probably write an entire post on the questions she’s asked since baby brother arrived on the scene.

Shared bathtime is lots of fun, ya’ll.

Do all parents feel this way? Does anyone feel like they have their road map set out and they’re just trotting along a reliable path?

Parenthood is full of more twists and turns and loops than I ever anticipated, which is hard for this type A, “set a goal and then meet it” momma. I want the guidebook that says “here’s how you turn these humans you created into caring, productive adults who will need only a little therapy.”

(Because everyone needs a little therapy. Therapy is the best, ya’ll).

So until I receive my copy of that book, I’m just going to continue winging it. Don’t be alarmed if you see me wide-eyed and crossing my fingers while disciplining my child at Target.

Literally, no idea what I’m doing.

Let’s all just hope for the best.

This post originally appeared on Kelly's blog, The OK Momma. You can follow Kelly for more mediocre mom moments on Instagram and Facebook.

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