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How To Handle Your Child's Gender Identity

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The world is full of different kinds of people when it comes to sexuality or gender identity. Several of us may have a son who grows up to decide he identifies more with being a female than the biological male he was born as. There is nothing unacceptable about this, and us mothers should have no problem accepting it either. The same goes for any daughters we may have. While pregnant, so many moms claim that the sex of their baby doesn't matter to them. This should still apply when seven year old Eric grows up to be seventeen year old Erica.

I'm sure, just like myself, that every woman does whatever she can to be a good mother. They try to be supportive in everything from school to hobbies. A truly good mother should be extending that support to include her child identifying with the gender opposite of their biological sex. Even though many of us parents are completely accepting of LGBT kids, they may still feel hesitant about coming out about their gender identity. If we truly care about them being happy as themselves, they should be comfortable about opening up to us about it.

If a mother out there has a son who decides he identifies as female, listen to the explanation behind that decision. Maybe the femininity of being female appeals more to him (her) than the masculinity of being male. If your self identified daughter happens to be homosexual, don't assume that was a factor in this decision. Although it's a possibility, it shouldn't be automatically assumed. Fully hear them out to make sure you completely understand and don't miss any details. It will give them a sense of support to be completely open and honest with you.

If my son were to come to be saying he feels more like a she or vice versa, I would help them accommodate to their new lifestyle (starting with switching pronouns.) Are there any changes that need to be made to their wardrobe? Are they gonna want a new hairstyle? Has your son previously tried wearing your or his sister's make up? There are several goth guys who wear makeup. You have eye liner, black lipstick and black nail polish for men to start you off.

As parents, we shouldn't interpret their gender identity as a sign that we failed as parents. None of us are perfect and we don't need to try to be either. The best thing we can do is let our kids be themselves because their happiness is our happiness. We brought them into this world and it's our job to love them unconditionally. There should be no kicking them out of the house or disowning them. If any of us mothers had decided we identified as male at that age, we wouldn't want to be forced to have to leave home. We're the first person they confide in for everything, their number one supporter. They should feel like they can come to us about anything, gender identity or otherwise.

We can't control how their new identity will be treated at school, but we can when they're at home. They may end up getting bullied or losing friends who aren't willing to accept their new identity. If they end up having a rough time at school, home can be a safe haven for them. Home should always be the number one place where they can be whoever they feel like they are. We may slip a few times at first with their name or pronoun which can be expected. We can get into the habit of referring to them by their new identity by correcting ourselves whenever it happens. Sooner or later, we'll start automatically going by their new name/pronoun.

Having a kid turn out to be LGBT doesn't mean you did something wrong when raising them. You're not the only mother of a transgender in the world. Even though homophobia and transphobia aren't as bad anymore, there are still people out there who are completely close minded. Being close minded and unaccepting of our transgender child is when we've failed as parents.

This post comes from the TODAY Parenting Team community, where all members are welcome to post and discuss parenting solutions. Learn more and join us! Because we're all in this together.