There was a time not too long ago that I was rushed, run-down, and down right ragged. My spouse was deployed and to pass the time, I signed my two daughters up for every activity under the sun. Swim lessons, dance class, music class, art class, playdates. You name it, we did it.

I also hosted events for our spouses group, attended girls nights out with my girlfriends, volunteered my time at both their schools, trained to run a half-marathon, served at our local church, and wrote on a personal blog.

To say I was overwhelmed is an understatement. I can remember falling into bed at night dreading the next day because with it came more pressure to do it all. The thought of not doing it: of letting down my kids, or my friends, or my church was too much to bear. The guilt was worse than the dread of the next day so I continued.

Until I suffered a pulmonary embolism which almost took my life. That one near death experience, shifted my whole perspective when it came to doing it all, and the guilt that goes with it.

I realized while laying in the hospital bed, in pain, and all alone that none of us have a guarantee of how much time we get on this earth. And I wanted to make sure I was living my life, and loving my people, in the very best way possible.

I had not been living my life or loving my people in the very best way possible. I had been running myself, and them, into the ground.

Once back home and recovering I decided I wanted to do only a few things so that I could do them really, really well. I knew there was no way I could continue doing all the things and do them well. So I set about making a list and selected five things that were -and still are- the most important things in my life. These are the things I put most of my time and energy into. Things like: my family, my faith, my health, my creative pursuits, and my friends.

But in order to keep my focus on my five priorities I knew I needed some guidelines, ways to filter out all the good, in order to focus on the great.

Let’s be honest there are so many good things out there. We want to give our kids every opportunity and those opportunities are all good things. It’s so hard to tell them no especially when it’s science camp or something of the likes.

My solution to filter out all the good was, each season I started making a list. A not-to-do list if you will. And on it I would put all the good things that I was making a conscience choice “not-to-do”, in order to allow me to focus on the greatest things.
When my old ways would start to creep in and I’d start to think, oh that sounds good, we could fit that in, or my kids would beg and plead, I’d look at my list and say, "Nope we’re not doing that." It was a way to give myself permission to not feel guilty. Some of the things on my list “ not-to -do" list have been:

• more than 1 activity per kid per season- this rule still stands, we only allow our kids to participate in one activity at a time.
• gardening- I love gardening but at the time I didn't need one more thing to do.
• volunteering at my kids school- still don't do this. I am so thankful for the people who do but it's not my gift or my jam.
• shaming my body or feeling guilty for not working out
• playdates -yes, I said no to playdates
• cooking elaborate dinners- and by elaborate I mean anything more than a crockpot meal or delivery pizza. If it required more than one pan, or two steps, like browning meat and boiling noodles, it wasn’t happening.
• deep cleaning my house- for a period of time I did not have the capacity to deep clean my home the way I usually like to, so I didn't. I still swished out the toilet and swept the floors but baseboards were left untouched and so was the self-cleaning function on the oven.
• grocery shopping - don’t worry, my family didn't starve (see above) I used a grocery delivery service which allowed me to focus on spending time with my family instead cruising the aisles of Costco.
• feeling guilty about things- all the things.
• over-filling my calendar I made it mandatory that we had to have one day a week with nothing on it. I still do this. Best thing ever.

Over time making this list has freed me from guilt and from the pressure of trying to do it all. All we get is one shot at this crazy, beautiful life, and I’m going to make mine count, not just doing a whole lot of good things but just a few of the very best things! I hope that this list may inspire you to not-do a few things too!