You never imagine God taking away your greatest blessing, never meeting your child, and having to overcome that sadness. So many women have lost a child due to miscarriage, still birth, and/or prematurity. We never even knew if our first child was a boy or a girl, but we knew without a doubt that our child was with God and that His will was done. It took many talks with God for me to move on. I took it hard and I struggled not to be angry with God, but finally one day my husband and I were ready to try again. It was not easy on our hearts and it took time, but the Lord blessed us again with life inside me. The pregnancy was full of sickness, scares, and nervousness. However, when I felt our daughter kick for the first time, it was an overwhelming relief... A sign from God: a miracle that helped me to realize God's will and promise and love. Unfortunately, the fear was not over. At 28 weeks, I went into the hospital after a long day of teaching 5th grade and didn't leave, with the exception of two nights at home, until our daughter was born. I endured a full month of bed rest but not in my own bed. Keeping this sweet girl safe within me for as long as possible was our goal. With high blood pressure spikes each day and preeclampsia rearing its ugly head, we were unsure how long she'd be able to stay put.
At 32 weeks, we got that awful announcement: She has to come out now, we cannot wait. So the c-section I didn't want was scheduled, and we tried to prepare our minds and our hearts. My husband, who had hardly left my side throughout it all, sleeping for a month on a hospital couch, was so strong for me. However strong he was, I needed more and I gave it all over to God. I was scared and shaking and heading down a hall alone to deliver my child two months early. I COULD NOT DO THIS... but God said I could. Molly B was born on a snowy Friday morning, December 9th at 10:54am weighing 3lb, 9oz and 16 inches long: A perfect, tiny bundle. She was pink and small, so beautiful. No one tells you how hard it will be to not see your daughter at birth except in an isolette that is rolling away from you, or the pain of not being able to hold her for a full 24 hours. I soon learned how miniscule that was compared to some NICU stories, and I was very thankful.
We spent 17 long days (short compared to some) in the NICU and it changed us forever. Our daughter changed us, doctors and nurses changed us, neighboring parents changed us but mostly God changed us by blessing us with our precious, fighting daughter. She thrived. After 24 hours on the CPAP, she needed no oxygen. She grew and grew. Each day consisted of enjoying care times... changing tiny diapers through port holes, taking her temp, learning to feed her, bathe her, and loving kangaroo time more than any other time we had. On December 26th, we went home with our daughter weighing under 4 pounds. It was the scariest and happiest day of our lives. Now Molly B is an 18.5lb, still feisty 11 month old. We will never forget our experience or how God blessed us through it all. To all NICU parents who have been through it, are going through it, are in it now.... you are awesome! You are not alone and you can do this! GOD BLESS!