From the outside looking in, everything looks perfect.
Put together well.
But, if you were to walk in my front door, you'd see a mess.
You'd see lots of broken sh*t and a restoration in progress.
You see, my house had a leak, specifically our ice line that goes under the kitchen floor from the sink to the fridge.
And, well, the floor, subfloor and supporting beam in there got damaged, and now the home is undergoing mold remediation, repair, and refurbishment.
As I pulled up to my house this morning, I couldn't help but make the correlation, that as people -- more specifically women and mothers -- we often get stuck comparing ourselves, children, marriages and overall lifestyle and success (or lack thereof) to others, both in and outside of our social circle.
But, comparison is a thief.
Not just that, but she's a liar, too.
From the outside looking in, you look perfect, and it makes me ponder why I don't.
But, maybe to you, from the outside looking in, I'm the one who's got it all and getting it right, and defeatedly you question, "Why her and not me?"
The truth is that none of us have it all together.
We are all, for the most part, riding the crazy train, trying to look healthy and normal, getting where we need to get, with as few stops at the insane asylum and wine bar as possible.
When we compare our life, journey, kids, partner, and job to that of others, we are discrediting the undeniable uniqueness and gift that is "our people" and the one life we get to live alongside them.
I don't want your life because it's yours.
And I don't want you to desire mine, because it's not for you.
Most of us women like to put out into the world the perception that we are
put together well,
rock solid for our kids,
strong as hell,
and, to balance it all out, endearingly charming.
But, in reality, we are all
a little bit broken,
BUT, that doesn't make us any less
put together well,
and endearingly charming.
It just means that from the outside looking in, you won't see all of me, and I won't see all of what makes you, you.
From the outside looking in, we all seem "perfect" to one another, but real beauty lies beyond the front door and past the inaccurate beliefs of what one will find when they turn that knob.
Nothing is more enchanting than getting to know all people as authentically imperfect as they are.
When -- instead of comparing yourself and your life to what you have mistakenly discerned is another's reality -- you step inside the home and life of another, sans judgment, and with full validation of and appreciation for your own behind-the-door mess, you kick comparison to curb, as well her friends, jealousy and ingratitude.
When it comes to my home repair, I'll be on the outside looking in for a while, because well, remodels take time.
But guess what?
So does a person's rework, and who I want to become is a version of myself who no longer plays the comparison game, because when I do, I never win -- and neither do you.
Let's love, support and rally for one another (and ourselves) by being willing to invite others inside our front door, while also stepping into theirs uncritically and with complete and utter respect and acceptance for the authentic, honest, unashamed living of one's only life.
The mess behind my front door honors the mess behind yours.