"Late night at work ... came home to see this sweet bit of heaven asleep on the couch. Had to scoop him into my lap and snuggle him, as he grumbled and stretched and curled back up to get comfy. Sorry to disturb you, Little One, but you will sooo understand when you have babies of your own."
That was my Facebook post July 20, 2015. It was one of those "mom guilt" moments that hit me deep in the heart.
I was working full-time as a magazine editor and while I loved being an editor, and felt like I was good at my job (isn't that a great feeling?), the long hours away from my family were making me feel like I wasn't a good mommy.
There's this crazy thing called balance, and it's almost impossible to achieve.
You have to find that sweet spot where you feel you are being fulfilled intellectually, you are contributing to the wellness of yourself and your family, and your priorities are where you feel they should be at that time.
And that is a deeply personal challenge. Because the result is different for every person, every household, every relationship.
To feel like you are getting and giving all that you should be is an enormous, ongoing experiment that changes as quickly as life does.
But, I came to the point where I wasn't afraid of making a change, and even felt the push inside to do so, and that's when I knew it was right.
Right for MY family and for MY inner happiness.
It felt crazy to leave a job I loved doing, but it also felt insanely right in my heart.
So, now I'm home. I'm blogging, writing, and editing when I can, but my first priority is being the mama I felt I couldn't be three years ago.
I'm still working on that balance thing. But I feel so much closer to it now.