In the pursuit of great opportunities for their children parents are ready to go for anything: such as training on personal development, and master classes that help discover new abilities of children, regular classes with a psychologist and speech therapist, clubs and studious, and various therapeutic techniques. Parents tend to express their love in such a way and do everything they see fit for the happiness of their children.
It is a pity that these very “engines of children's happiness” in the face of parents completely forget about themselves and their personal relationships, healthy family environment, attention and care for themselves and their needs. After all, the love and happiness of the parents themselves are no less important than the love for the child.
We used to take an example from celebrities in matters of upbringing and family relations, but today we decided to ask an average Canadian father to share his family relationship secrets that affect parenting.
Samuel Thompson, Boom Truck Driver, 39
Father of Justin, 9 and Theo, 6
“If mom and dad do not get along well, the child takes it as his guilt. In his still forming consciousness, if mom does not love dad or dad - mom, then they do not love him either. Such a negative situation greatly affects the future life of our baby. Because of her difficult relationship with her husband, a woman unconsciously binds a child to herself, and dad unconsciously moves away from him. It leads to mother's hyper-care and father's estrangement. That is why it is very important, even if the feelings have cooled, to try to maintain mutual understanding and respect for each other, while maintaining care for the child by both parents. A child always notices all changes in parental mood, to which we often do not give a report. In the meantime, a small person sees all this, feels and remembers how acceptable behavior is, because he faces this every day. Now this is his baggage, which he transmits to the outside world, if necessary. It is unfortunate that this baggage often consists of emotional "garbage" of disgruntled adults. I understand and accept that the problems of my kids are the reflection of me and my wife. But we always try to correct the situation. It is not easy; therefore I can give you some tips, which can help you to improve the family environment.
Enjoy life. Raising a child is a complex and time-consuming process, in which there are no magic rules and spells. But if you want your child to be happy, be happy yourself. Mom and Dad are a steady and constant example for a growing baby. That is why, when parents are kind, open, enjoy life, do what they love, the child repeats after them, and these feelings and moods become the norm for him. Just imagine how difficult it is for a small person among offended, dissatisfied with work, always tired adults, and how easily he learns this view of life because of ignorance of the world. In such a difficult work life, you really need to learn to rejoice. At least for the sake of the happiness of your children. Make it a rule to see friends at least once a couple of weeks, walk with your child not only walk around the yard, but also come up with a kind of little adventures - be it a city holiday, a walk in the park or going to the movies. And make the most important rule: leave a bad mood and work problems beyond the threshold of your home.
Optimism - the key to success. It is very important to teach the child to look at the world around positively. Failures happen, but if you do not allow yourself to become limp, and to take up with a smile to solve the problem, you can achieve excellent results. According to statistics, optimists are more confident, more successful in their studies, work and sports. Make it a rule every night to play with the baby in a game in which each of you will tell a few good events that happened to you during the day. You'll see, it will benefit not only the child, but you too! Try to see in everything - and in events, in weather, and even in failures - only good.
Be sincere. Fatigue and bad mood, unfortunately, are frequent guests in the adult world. Do not forget that children feel everything great, and the kind of resistant mom, when she is angry inside, only scares the kid. Laugh, if you are having fun, frown, if you are angry, or sad - emotions need a way out, because blocking feelings often leads to unpleasant complications. Just be sure to explain your feelings to the child, for example: "I want to be alone for a bit, because I am very tired and feel bad." And recite his experiences together: “You are angry because we did not buy you a chocolate bar”. Here is another step towards a happy person: it’s very important when your loved ones understand and share your feelings. Honesty in the family - a pledge of a healthy personality.
Parent time. Parents, often mothers, especially when the child is still small, do not have enough time to spend it for the benefit of only for themselves. Psychologists say that it is necessary to cut out such moments, because you can not constantly ignore your interests and desires. Parents, it is our children who look at us, they learn to set priorities in our country and live either in harmony with themselves, or in discontent and despondency. From early childhood, teaching the child to independence and stipulating his duties, parents free up part of their free time for themselves, at the same time teaching the child the necessary skills.
Let yourself be wrong. We are not perfect, and the world is not perfect, so just allow yourself to be yourself. Do not blame yourself endlessly for mistakes and incorrect words - try to understand the reason and correct the situation. The level of stress will be noticeably lower, and the child, looking at a steady parent, will gain invaluable experience in overcoming any obstacles. Try to live as you would like your children to live. Learn, create, love, develop and be happy!
Summing up I would like to say that fatherhood is my main life project and I constantly work on it. So do you.”