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Challenge: Infertility

Empathy and support for women of all ages

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I'm 42 year old mom who went through infertility before conceiving my son (now age 2) and am currently struggling with secondary infertility. One thing I've noticed that has been hard is the amount of age-shaming out there. My son was conceived at a larger Fertility Clinic in a bigger city where 'older moms' were more common so it wasn't until we moved to a much smaller city that I've experienced some significant age-shaming by physicians who supposedly are here to help me. And in a smaller city, options are more limited so it's not like I can go to 12 different doctors to find the right one. I left one practice because of it and in the current practice, it's better but only because I told him at the first appointment that this was the first and last time we're discussing my age.

Most women of a certain age understand the risks and the statistics and while I think most physician's intentions are to provide objective information, there is a way to do it that preserves a woman's dignity in what is already a difficult process. There's enough self-blame going on that constantly reminding us of our age, which is something we can't change or control, doesn't actually do anything to help. Can we focus instead on what needs to be done? Please help us have some hope or at least have empathy where there may not be any hope available?

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